tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post5372392448883078918..comments2023-05-25T04:27:07.695-08:00Comments on For the Love of baby Liam: New News, New Hope, New WorriesBeckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11917822168137274298noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-43656202360932681292014-07-18T05:39:16.287-08:002014-07-18T05:39:16.287-08:00I don't think it's my place to tell you wh...I don't think it's my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes, either.<br /><br />I understand the longing for a baby of a specific gender, because I would *love* another boy. I think I've made that clear in my previous posts. There's just something about that particular type of "second chance" at being the mom to a boy/girl.<br /><br />I found what Caroline wrote to be interesting- that if you keep looking for the answer you're searching for, you will eventually find a doctor who will give it to you. BUT, will they be invested in you and your baby's outcome? Will they give you a yes to line their own pocketbook, with nary a second thought about how you've gotten to where you are? That's what I worry about.<br /><br />Food for thought.<br /><br />To address what a commenter above said, I do think Max is enough, but I also think that's like saying, "isn't it enough you have your husband?". Because of course Max is enough, but I do think there's room for more if you want it.<br /><br />Grace would have been enough if she was all there was. She is more than enough now, but I wanted another. Are Piper and Grace enough? Who knows. I feel like I almost need my OBGYN to tell me no more in order for me to ever tell me no more. <br /><br />It's a tough road to walk, and I don't think it's far for commenters to be telling you what you should do. That would have irritated me to no end when I was ttc after Jack. Lj82https://www.blogger.com/profile/01067562341189588336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-74150978480379715702014-07-07T14:14:31.197-08:002014-07-07T14:14:31.197-08:00Maybe a donor egg vs traditional surrogacy? Again ...Maybe a donor egg vs traditional surrogacy? Again not your biological child, but at least a half sibling. And in theory you may be able to find a female embryo looking for a home... I'm just thinking out loud in response to this comment, I don't actually know what I'm talking about. Always hopeful for you. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-2200623426724973372014-07-07T14:12:50.623-08:002014-07-07T14:12:50.623-08:00With regard to other commenters, I understand that...With regard to other commenters, I understand that many who follow your blog have been through years of infertility with zero hope for a bio - or possibly any - child. However, I think it's insensitive for anyone, regardless of their own pain, to come here and call you "lucky" when they see Liam and Evelynn at the top of the page... Max is an amazing and precious blessing but you guys are as entitled as anyone else to pursue the dream you had for your family. I'm sure if a time comes that you need to let that go and just "focus on Max" you and Dereck will be the first to know that. Without suffering anything like your losses, I went through 8 years of secondary infertility, all the while questioning our choices as we had two healthy kids. The fact is, we'd always wanted and planned for at least two more - not unlike you and Dereck. I think your love for Max answers the question of how you would feel about another boy, as well. I will always wish we could have more kids, and have them years ago, but that doesn't take away my appreciation for what and who I've been given. <br /><br />Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm hoping something as simple as a young bio mother wanting to give you her baby DOES just happen... you guys have a little "easy" coming to you after all you've been through. I agree with another commenter that the risk to you would be unfair to Max, should you ttc naturally. I'm sorry things are just Hard or EVEN HARDER in every direction. I hope things come together for you one way or the other. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-72668889646323616752014-07-07T12:36:38.165-08:002014-07-07T12:36:38.165-08:00Another pregnancy is very, very risky. If you hav...Another pregnancy is very, very risky. If you have time foster. Even if the parents do get the baby back maybe a void will be filled in your heart. You will be doing something great and selfless! Plus they pay you! Plus you could get a baby girl! Win win.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-72712169456573363762014-07-06T16:28:20.734-08:002014-07-06T16:28:20.734-08:00What happens if you do get pregnant and it's a...What happens if you do get pregnant and it's a boy? It sounds like you've got your heart set on a bio baby girl and unless you're paying for IVF with gender selection and that's expensive, I'm not sure how you'd ensure that it's a girl. If you get a 2nd bio boy would that be enough or would you still be upset because he's not a girl?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-79210421441895412912014-07-06T12:10:59.771-08:002014-07-06T12:10:59.771-08:00I am so sorry you are having to face all of this. ...I am so sorry you are having to face all of this. There is no easy answer. I'm trying to understand why Max can't be enough. You are sooooo lucky to have a living baby after all you have gone through. So many people are still waiting on their baby....it truly is such a miracle that you have Max. As you well know, life is not fair. Why not just focus on Baby Max and enjoy every minute of life with him instead of chasing after what you have lost? You really want a biological baby girl but even she won't replace Evelynn. Many people just want a baby....any baby....and you have that. Just be content in what you have and be happy and thankful for what you have after all you have lost. You are so lucky!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-2538899825032942832014-07-03T05:50:00.697-08:002014-07-03T05:50:00.697-08:00no good advice here either. ultimately you are the...no good advice here either. ultimately you are the only one who know what would be best for you and your family. i'm just so sorry that it couldn't be an easy choice. it's not fair. praying for peace and clarity for you guys to be able to make the best decision for all of you. lots of love to you...Tiffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17906643480459302192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-23239531584187782272014-07-01T22:43:11.803-08:002014-07-01T22:43:11.803-08:00I haven't looked into traditional surrogacy cl...I haven't looked into traditional surrogacy closely but I am not sure if it is legal anywhere in the U.S. I guess when it comes down to it we still have to find someone to be pregnant for us and give us the baby in the end. Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11917822168137274298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-59188906310209005012014-07-01T18:43:18.421-08:002014-07-01T18:43:18.421-08:00I wish I was a good candidate to be a gestational ...I wish I was a good candidate to be a gestational carrier or knew someone who was because I would love to help you with your quest for more children. Right now you are stuck between a rock and hard place and I truly don't have any good advice, just hang in there and think positive thoughts. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-74323128644557264852014-07-01T15:30:42.398-08:002014-07-01T15:30:42.398-08:00I know you specifically want a baby girl who is ge...I know you specifically want a baby girl who is genetically yours. You deserve that. If it just can't be done safely, would you at all be open to traditional surrogacy? Where it's your husband's sperm and the surrogate's egg? Then the baby woyld at least still be a half sibling to Max.... just throwing it out there since I didn't see you mention it specifically. I hope you are able to find peace and a solution. It's all just unfair :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-42153338769306866072014-06-30T19:40:08.828-08:002014-06-30T19:40:08.828-08:00No good options. I hate it. I have no answers, jus...No good options. I hate it. I have no answers, just support for whatever you choose. Addi's momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13162101241886761065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-57126204013847241022014-06-30T18:57:26.869-08:002014-06-30T18:57:26.869-08:00I hate that there's no "easy" answer...I hate that there's no "easy" answer for your guys.<br /><br />I have a friend who, during her pregnancy with her first child, developed HELLP and had to deliver at 34 weeks. He was in the NICU for three weeks and fortunately was fine, but after her emergency C-Section (by the time she was diagnosed correctly they had to act quick) she wasn't feeling well and developed cardiomyopathy (sp?) and almost went into cardiac arrest. She was put back under and sent to an ICU at a different hospital where she remained until her blood pressure got under control and she was put on the proper medication for her heart.<br /><br />I share all this because about two years after her son's delivery, she started to ask doctor's about the possibility of her having another baby. Originally they thought it would be too risky on her heart, but she had spoken with her original OB who said it might be ok. Her OB advised her to meet with specialists (heart and MFM) and get their opinion, but what I thought was smart was that her OB said once she got those opinions, to not go any further. She said if they say yes, then to do as they recommend. And if they say no, you can keep asking around until someone does finally say yes, because ultimately someone will - but that won't be in the best interest of you or your baby.<br /><br />So . . .all this to say that it's so damn unfair that it's not a recommended option, but I think that your OB and the peri do have your best interest at heart. But I realize that's a lot easier for me to say not being in you shoes.<br /><br />I hate that people think adoption is 1. easy and 2. just a cure all. It's not a guarantee and I don't at all blame you for wanting to carry another child or have another biological child. <br /><br />I hope the very best for your family and wish it just didn't have to be so hard. xoCarolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00101380791416834049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-63072739507755095762014-06-30T15:26:10.396-08:002014-06-30T15:26:10.396-08:00I too, do not appreciate the "are you going t...I too, do not appreciate the "are you going to adopt" question. The answer I want to give is "I'm not sure, are YOU going to adopt?" People think that adoption is only for people who are high risk with losses or infertile people (I am both). I really hope that you find the best way to expand your family. Krystal Sullivanhttp://xobenjaminandconnerxo.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-69265637197498942312014-06-30T14:24:48.678-08:002014-06-30T14:24:48.678-08:00I'm a BLM, and am in the process of adopting m...I'm a BLM, and am in the process of adopting my daughter from foster care. I couldn't afford a domestic (or international) adoption unless it was through foster care (they pay you). I was open to taking infants without knowing if they would be reunified or up for adoption, and I just got very lucky that my girl ended up being adoptable. In the beginning I had no idea. Often you have a kid until they are 2 or 3 before you know which way it's going to go. It's the most nerve-wracking thing in the world... well, it's as nerve-wracking as trying to get through a high risk pregnancy after you've lost a baby. <br /><br />I can't decide which is scarier... adoption through foster care or trying to have a living bio baby. Both are so risky, so prone to heartbreak. In the end, the risk is equal. You're going to fall in love with a child you may lose. In this case, though, you have a living child (Max) and since you asked for opinions, I don't think you should risk your own life and try to be pregnant again. This time around your biggest responsibility when you start out is to Max. That leaves carrier or adoption. Carrier might be the best way if you think the risks that go along with adoption will be too stressful. Personally, I don't know if I could do this again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-46449329144573423462014-06-30T14:23:49.600-08:002014-06-30T14:23:49.600-08:00I hate that expanding your loving family is filled...I hate that expanding your loving family is filled with enormous challenges at every turn. I hope for happy, healthy, living siblings for Liam, Evelynn and Max! Mama Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15448908179398529689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-60531481059256610492014-06-30T12:18:12.128-08:002014-06-30T12:18:12.128-08:00We have sons and one adopted daughter. She came to...We have sons and one adopted daughter. She came to us through foster care/related to my husband/knocked up teen. Our only bio daughter died at ten months old. I understand completely your desire for your own bio girl. I wish for it daily. While we have a girl I really really wish to see my own daughter part me and part mike grow up. It's not easy. I'm sorryEmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11910371746336686970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8985288635111425215.post-36021965346942516572014-06-30T10:44:00.743-08:002014-06-30T10:44:00.743-08:00I just don't have anything helpful to write. I...I just don't have anything helpful to write. I have no advice to offer and think you've exhausted your explanations and are quite intelligent in working through those... I hate that none of the options are easy and I hate that you guys just don't have your first two babies instead of dealing with this BS. You should be enjoying your family and should be done growing your family by now. I'm just frustrated for you.<br /><br />I hope that something magical happens... supporting you all the way. I really hope you can have another biological child (because hello! Your kids are beautiful!) and that another gestational carrier (a friend even!) would be able to do that for you. Wishing you the best and then some.B. Wilson @ Windy {City} Wilsonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17479551028143520755noreply@blogger.com