Favorite Quotes/Poems

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother. -author unknown Oh Mother, My Mother

By Theresa Cochrane

I touch your tears, invisible fingers soothing your skin I know you think of me so often in the day, in the night, in your dreams going into an empty nursery knowing I'll never be there but I am...in your heart, in your soul, I shall always be for you gave so unselfishly of yourself Inside of you, you created such a world for me a world of laughter, of love of sadness, of sorrow every emotion people come to know you shared with me. And even though I may never feel your arms around me I felt your heart beating, like a lullaby, singing me to sleep. and your spirit giving me a safe haven already protecting me, nurturing me preparing me for things to come But sometimes the journey of life pulls souls apart and yes, I had to go on to another place. I wish I could stay I wish this was a decision I could make and I know you do too. Know this, wherever you are: I will always remember that yours was the first love the first joy, the first soul I will ever know you gave me the courage to go on in my journey I hope I can do the same for you Your heart beat will always call me to you. Love, your child

 

What makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby This we know is true.'

But God, can you be a Mother When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, He replied With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile With other children and say:

"We go to earth to learn our lessons Of love and life and fear.

My Mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home They'll be at the gates for you.

 So now you see what makes a Mother It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize You are a Mother until their time

is done. They'll be up here with Me one day And you know

you're the best one!

 If you know someone who has lost a child and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn't forget they died. You're not reminding them. What you're reminding them of is that you remember that they lived, and that's a great, great gift."
-Elizabeth Edwards

"Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero."
-From Blog A La Cart-

"A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove. But the world may be different because I was important in the life of a boy."  Forest Witcraft

"As Long As I Live You Will Live.
As Long As I Live You Will Be Remembered.
As Long As I Live You Will Be Loved." 

-unknown-

When a baby is born, it's a mother's instinct to protect the baby. When a baby dies, it's the mother's instinct to protect their memory. 

-unknown- 

The tragedy of life is not death...but what we let die inside of us while we live.

There are no good-byes; where ever we are, you'll always be in our hearts.

We loved you for all of your life, and will continue to do so for the rest of ours.

It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want.

  -author unknown-

No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
-unknown-

The Thing Is by Ellen Bass

The thing is

to love life, to love it even

when you have no stomach for it

and everything you've held dear

crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,

your throat fills with the silt of it.

When grief sits with you, its tropical heat

thickening the air, heavy as water

more fit for gills than lungs; 

when grief weights you like your own flesh

only more of it, an obesity of grief,

you think, How can a body withstand this?

Then you hold life like a face

between your palms, a plain face,

no charming smile, no violet eyes,

and you say, yes, I will take you.

I will love you, again.

 

 

"Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent."
- Mignon McLaughlin

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

"Don't feel guilty that you laughed today. It doesn't mean you aren't sad, it means you are healing."
-from my Earth Mama Tea package-

At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how my story is going to end.
-unknown-

How very softly you tiptoed into our world.

Almost silently,

Almost a moment you stayed.

But what an imprint

Your footsteps have left

Upon out hearts.

Rainbow baby is the term for a baby after the loss of a previous child. It is the understanding that a rainbow's beauty does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. 

A heart break isn't always as loud as

 a bomb exploding. Sometimes, it

 could be as quiet as a feather falling

 and the most painful thing is.  

nobody hears it except you.

-unknown-

For Mother's day:

"This may seem like a strange Mother's Day post on a day when joy and life abound for the millions of mothers throughout the country. But it's also a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back"

-Erma Bombeck-

and also:

 Mother's Day is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.

-Franchesca Cox-

"We must be willing to let go of the life we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

by Joseph Campbell

"You don't think you'll live past it and you don't really. The person you were is gone, but the half of you that's still alive wakes up one day and takes over again."

by Barbara Kingsolver

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have!- unknown

  
Life can still be good- but never quite as good as it should be.

Heaven

"They say that heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye' for us on this earth.  Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so completely caught up in what she is doing that when she looks behind her, I'll already be there."  Author unknown

The sorrow I have from losing you does not overshadow the joy I have from being able to love you.

Laura Richert

Today should have been so different
Just know that I'm thinking about you, missing you, loving you, celebrating you, 
this side of heaven
-Franchesca Cox-

Do not regret growing older. It's a privilege denied to many.
-unknown-

Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.

When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with its aftermath. It means that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. ~anonymous

 "What moves through us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch, we may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us... memories too beautiful to forget." ~Unknown~

"When you lose a child, your life doesn't just change. You're shattered on the inside, blown to bits, your heart broken. It takes a long time to come back together again. I'm not looking for your pity. It's better for me to talk than to keep everything all inside. I don't want you to think I'm selfish, but can't you see how much I'm hurting? Sometimes I take out my baby's things...smell them, caress them, hug and kiss them and rock them until the tears stop falling. Please don't turn a blind eye to me. If you think it’s too painful for you, multiply that by infinity and you might have a vague idea of how much pain I am in. I did not ask for this to happen. I do ask for your love and support. If you can't think of anything to say, then just listen to me. Let me borrow your shoulder. Surely you are stronger than I am, and you can help me by simply being there."

-Unknown-

When we are in pain, we become self-centered and myopic. When we heal, we become more empathetic, self-less, and sympathetic to the pain and welfare of others. It is our gift to others to heal ourselves." ~ Max Strom

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... It's about who came, and never left your side." - Unknown

This is from the book Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards

"If I had lost a leg, I would tell them, instead of a boy, no one would ever ask me if I was 'over' it. They would ask me how I was doing learning to walk without my leg. I was learning to walk and to breath and to live without Wade. And what I was learning is that it was never going to be the life I had before."

Part of Me...

I thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.

I thought about you yesterday and the day before that too.
I think of you in silence. I often say your name.

But all I have are memories and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is my keepsake, with which I'll never part.

God has you in His keeping. I have you in my heart.

I shed tears for what might have been. A million times I've cried.

If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly. In death I love you still.

In my heart you hold a place, no one can ever fill.

It broke my heart to lose you, but you didn't go alone.

For part of me went with you, the day God took you home.

-Author unknown

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

BY E. E. CUMMINGS

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)


"Have You Ever" - Author Unknown

Have you ever watched your child die?

Have you ever held her hand, feeling the life that grew within you slip away, breath by painful breath?

Have you ever kissed a cold gray cheek, knowing you will never kiss it again while helpless tears rolled down your own?

Have you ever left your child-the child you dreamed of, the child you love-knowing the next time you visit her, it will be at her grave?

Have you ever sat at your window at midnight waiting for sleep, waiting for any escape from a nightmare that won't go away, only to watch dawn bring nothing but reminders of what you will never have?

Have you ever watched the world forget the person you love the most saying "you'll have another one" or "move on" or "let go" as if she were a book or a pen, or a bad haircut that could be replaced or erased as if she didn't matter, as if she had never been?

Have you ever looked at your future knowing someone will always be missing? Have you ever looked at your past knowing some things can never be changed?  Have you ever looked at your present and felt nothing, saw nothing but guilt and anger and loss?

If you haven't - then don't tell me what to think. Don't tell me how to act.  Don't tell me how to feel.  Don't tell me to get over it... because I NEVER will.

Here is also a list of 20 Things Angel Mommies Want You To Know:

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn’t think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you.

3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven’t forgotten him and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn’t think that I don’t want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it’s not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn’t pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

8. I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m “over it” or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no “normal” way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn’t mean I’m contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be “over and done with” in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be “over” this.

12. I wish you wouldn’t think that my baby wasnt’t really a baby and he was just blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby had a life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby’s body and face. My baby was real person – and he was alive.

13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby was born and the day I lost him are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to “”normal” you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you’ll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn’t tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace him. Babies aren’t interchangeable.

16. I wish you wouldn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it’s not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

17. I wish you wouldn’t think that you’ll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.

19. I wish you wouldn’t say that it’s natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect no matter what you think nature is saying.

20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say “next time things will be okay”. The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?

-Author Unknown

When You Lose a Baby

February 5, 2012 By Franchesca 111 Comments

Share2039

You don’t know what to expect.
People surround you. For a couple of weeks. Making sure you are not going to kill yourself, refuse to get out of bed, or start rocking a baby doll like the crazy lady they heard about from a friend.
You get lots of sympathy cards, clearly written and designed to be sent to console a daughter losing her father. Not the other way around.
You get free baby formula in the mail. For months and months and months.
And free baby magazines. And free baby coupons.
You secretly envy every pregnant woman. But not without a tinge of guilt, because you know all too well that she might be one in four- expecting her rainbow child.
It seems like the whole world is expecting a baby.
You have baby stuff around your home. Because you never imagined you wouldn’t need it.
You feel jarred. In the grocery store. At a birthday party. At the dinner table. At Christmas. Driving.
The baby you never knew, but lost changes every part of your life. Every. single. part.
Forever.
You see baby clothes and it brings tears to your eyes.
You get sick and tired of crying. You never knew it was possible to cry this much.
You find yourself angry at God. Angry at yourself. Just angry.
You sware you can feel them kick but they’re gone. They call them phantom kicks. I call them painful, all kinds of painful. But sweet too.
You know, or you have a strong feeling of knowing what your child would have looked like, and been like. You see a child in the store, or on the street. Their hair color, dimples, smile, their personality and suddenly you are reminded of your child. You miss your child even more, if that’s even possible.
Your Babies R’ Us Registry is still active. There is no delete button on their site. The babies r’ us people don’t make a dime on people like us. Why bother right? You have to call them, plead with them to remove your freaking’ registry, because there will be no baby shower. There is an awkward silence. There is sadness. There will be no baby.
You get hospital bills about 3-4 months after you buried your child. You have to pay for the baby you delivered but didn’t bring home.
You find that moment of happiness in life for the first time, but the guilt swallows it up almost immediately.
You remember the size of the casket. The size of the plot. The face of the funeral director. The expression of those that attended the funeral. The feeling of raw pain, like your chest has literally been ripped open.
Somehow you convince yourself that you deserve happiness. Because you really do. But in the happiest, purest moment, there is still that hole that only they were meant to fill.
People compare your pain to their own pain. The loss of their grandmother, husband, their failed marriage, rebellious teenagers. Somehow this comparing leaves you stranded. If they can compare their pain of a situation to the loss of your BABY, they will likely never get it. Babies are not supposed to die. End of story.
You lost a dream. And it almost feels like you imagined their entire existence up. Their name becomes a distant memory on the lips of others.
There is awkwardness when you talk about your child in a crowd. No one knows whether to cry, walk away or pretend you never brought him or her up.
You lose friends. You find new ones.
You can’t believe that women have actually survived this and you never knew about it. Not really, anyway.
You would do anything for another minute with your child.
You cry when others bring up your child, not so much because it hurts but more so because it such a precious and rare gift.
You long for the rewind button, even after many many instances of acceptance.
You want to know what went wrong, and why…
You find a new appreciation for moments in life that make you laugh… you laugh harder and love stronger.
You know that you can die bitter, or die thankful. There is no in between.
You never ever, EVER get over your child. The one you hoped for, prayed for, carried and loved for the weeks and months they were with you.
You learn to live with the pain.
You are better for having known them at all.

THE BEREAVED MOTHER
To those of you who look away when I grow teary eyed in the baby department,look a little deeper. Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those of you who change the subject when I speak my child's name, change your way of thinking. It may just change your whole life.

...

To those of you who roll your eyes and say we barely had them at all, how
could we miss them so much, in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times. We have seen their first steps, first day of school, their weddings, and their children. We have had them forever in our minds.

To those who say we can have another, even if we had twenty more they would never be the child we lost, and we will always miss them.

To those who say get on with my life, I have. It is a different life, the
life of a grieving mother. One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of.

Do not judge a bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart throbs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she is
NOT, all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

Do not dismiss us: we have shaped more than just the future generation.
We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.

Open your eyes to us, and you just might see them.
~ Author Unknown