Thursday, September 26, 2013
He's Here
Maximilian arrived tonight at 9:22pm just a screaming. He's a perfect 7lbs. 7.9oz., 21 inches long, and was ready to eat the milk I had ready for him. He is beautiful, just like his brother and sister. Jessica is doing well. Thank you to everyone for your support. More to come later.
Update 2 and Pictures!!!
Jessica let me know she had a rough night last night. Her Dr. checked her out this morning and she has now dilated to a 3 and for the second time he stripped the membranes. Not much happened after the last time he did that, but maybe this time will be different. Her Dr. is going to check things out again in a couple hours. Hopefully things will have progressed.
I feel like I have been on the emotional side lately. Between that rude comment on my last blog post, waiting for Max to come, the worrying that he will be okay, and thinking a lot about my sweet Evelynn it is breaking me down. Even pregnant women seem to be everywhere again. It is driving me crazy. I want Max here and yet I just want my little girl. My little girl who should be almost a year and a half old. I am scared something will still go wrong with Max. I am scared to have a living baby. I'm anxious for his delivery and how things will be once he's born. I'm excited for him to be here. I really, really, really miss my Evelynn. I am tired of just being "here". I want to finally move forward, to parent a living baby.
Here are some of the pictures we took back on Sept 15th at 37 weeks.
I feel like I have been on the emotional side lately. Between that rude comment on my last blog post, waiting for Max to come, the worrying that he will be okay, and thinking a lot about my sweet Evelynn it is breaking me down. Even pregnant women seem to be everywhere again. It is driving me crazy. I want Max here and yet I just want my little girl. My little girl who should be almost a year and a half old. I am scared something will still go wrong with Max. I am scared to have a living baby. I'm anxious for his delivery and how things will be once he's born. I'm excited for him to be here. I really, really, really miss my Evelynn. I am tired of just being "here". I want to finally move forward, to parent a living baby.
Here are some of the pictures we took back on Sept 15th at 37 weeks.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
Already a momma to my Liam and Evelynn, but love this for what it is.
Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.
Author unknown
Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.
Author unknown
Update
Contractions were strong for 3 hrs and then they were just gone. Ugh. I may go crazy. I paced and paced some more only to end up having to just go to bed and hope for maybe tomorrow.
Tomorrow is here. Jessica called me this morning and she went in for a check with her ob. We went along. Everything still looks good I guess. Good heartbeat, he's lower and in place, but he's not ready to come quite yet.
This wait is going to mess with me so much. I keep picturing me pregnant with Evelynn. The dr is telling me for the millionth time to stop worrying. Evelynn fails her stress test. We almost do an u/s. Then she passes it and we go home. Then I get lots of abdominal tightening feelings but assume its just being 9 months pregnant. Then my daughters born because my uterus ruptures. Ahhhh! Jessica tells me this morning she is having a lot of uterine tightening and maybe we need to do a non stress test. Hearing that just brings me back.
Why can't the dr. just induce now for my mental health?
The good news to all of this is that our prebirth order is finished!
Tomorrow is here. Jessica called me this morning and she went in for a check with her ob. We went along. Everything still looks good I guess. Good heartbeat, he's lower and in place, but he's not ready to come quite yet.
This wait is going to mess with me so much. I keep picturing me pregnant with Evelynn. The dr is telling me for the millionth time to stop worrying. Evelynn fails her stress test. We almost do an u/s. Then she passes it and we go home. Then I get lots of abdominal tightening feelings but assume its just being 9 months pregnant. Then my daughters born because my uterus ruptures. Ahhhh! Jessica tells me this morning she is having a lot of uterine tightening and maybe we need to do a non stress test. Hearing that just brings me back.
Why can't the dr. just induce now for my mental health?
The good news to all of this is that our prebirth order is finished!
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Our Carrier is Pregnant- 38 Weeks
Nothing to new to post. We've reached 38 weeks and really wishing Max would decide it is time for a break out. Dereck and I are beyond ready. Jessica is ready as well.
Dereck got into ND last night and though a small part of me wanted Max to come whether he was here or not, because I am super anxious, he is here now and today would be perfect birthday.
Today Jessica has had on and off contractions. Last text from her was that they were 10 minutes apart and she was going for a walk. I hope they keep coming and get closer and closer together. She thinks tonight. Hopefully the next post I write is the one where my baby is here.
Prebirth order isn't finished yet, but it's almost done. My lawyers office got the documents back from the hospital on Friday afternoon. The prebirth order was then immediately sent to the judge that will be reviewing it for us. Even if Max does come before it is done, I feel okay about things working out now as it is at least in the judges hands. The clerk was also informed that it is urgent that it gets approved asap.
Eeeek! Come on Max, momma is getting so anxious. I don't even know what to do with myself.
Operation Bring Milk Back for Max:
Hopefully this will be my last week on the domperidone since Max will for sure be here in a week. Milk production is still slowly increasing daily. Right now I am close to getting almost 12 ounce a day. I have some milk saved but I am feeling pretty confident I won't need it.
Dereck got into ND last night and though a small part of me wanted Max to come whether he was here or not, because I am super anxious, he is here now and today would be perfect birthday.
Today Jessica has had on and off contractions. Last text from her was that they were 10 minutes apart and she was going for a walk. I hope they keep coming and get closer and closer together. She thinks tonight. Hopefully the next post I write is the one where my baby is here.
Prebirth order isn't finished yet, but it's almost done. My lawyers office got the documents back from the hospital on Friday afternoon. The prebirth order was then immediately sent to the judge that will be reviewing it for us. Even if Max does come before it is done, I feel okay about things working out now as it is at least in the judges hands. The clerk was also informed that it is urgent that it gets approved asap.
Eeeek! Come on Max, momma is getting so anxious. I don't even know what to do with myself.
Operation Bring Milk Back for Max:
Hopefully this will be my last week on the domperidone since Max will for sure be here in a week. Milk production is still slowly increasing daily. Right now I am close to getting almost 12 ounce a day. I have some milk saved but I am feeling pretty confident I won't need it.
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