Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Our Hope For 2015

Surprisingly, after feeling so down, angry, lost, and confused the last couple months, I can say that the last few days I have done an almost complete 180. I still hate my body for completely failing me of course, but whatever, won't get into that today, again. Dereck and I had a good talk a few days ago and we made the decision that we are going to adopt. It is still scary, nerve racking, and far from stress free, but it is still by far the least risky and possibly the least spendy of options. Granted things go smoothly of course. Plus we can choose to only look at profiles for baby girls, which is what I prefer. And I hope beyond hope if we are lucky enough to get picked that the birth mom does not change her mind. 

We have already emailed in the paper work and yesterday I paid for the initial up front consulting fees. We have our consultant picked, who I've spoken to a couple times already, is actually the owner of the company, and seems so perfect and sweet. She is going to be getting back to me as soon as she speaks to the person here in Anchorage in charge of handling the home study. Then we can start looking at all the educational materials and start our profile. So much to work on but glad I have something to stay focused on, when Max will allow it of course. My goal is to get these 3 steps done by January so we can start looking at profiles for expectant mom's soon. Eeeeek!

It is still early on in the process but I am happy I am in a place to say that I feel good and even excited about this decision. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. It is definitely is helping me to be a bit happier for the Christmas and something to look forward to in 2015.

For anyone who wants to keep up to date I'll be starting a tab with all things adoption, including the cost, like I'd did with our gestational carrier journey.

Merry Christmas everyone.


  1. So glad to hear you are doing better. Good luck with this new journey. Merry Christmas

  2. I am glad you have found a plan to start focusing on. I am currently expecting our second rainbow, but he has been given a fatal diagnosis and we so not have much time left with him (I'm 29 weeks now). I struggled for a few years to get pregnant with my first rainbow and during that time, we completed our homestudy, but the day we got approved I had my first ultrasound at 5 weeks with her, so we never got to the profile stage. We have since been keeping our homestudy updated (as luck soul have it, I found out I was pregnant with our second rainbow the morning we got approved to renew the homestudy for another 2 years). In the two months we've known about our son's fatal diagnosis, we have decided that another pregnancy just isn't in the cards for us and adoption is also our best way to have a second living child at home with us. I will be interested to follow your adoption journey as we hope to start our own sometime next year once the initial heaviest grieving period is over. I know it may sound like we're rushing it, but like you, I just want more living children AF home with us and know how much healing my daughter has brought to us after the death of our first son 4.5 years ago. These newest babies will never replace the ones we are missing, so it wouldn't matter if we waited 6 months or 6 years to get the adoption process moving,

  3. I read your email and read it again here. I know it's never the life you planned and not even close to the "fall back" life either. I don't want to throw any silver lining nonsense your way, but I do want to send love and support.

    I hope the days are few as you're on your way to holding another beautiful girl in your arms.

  4. I am glad you feel a weight lifted and have made the best decision for you guys. Hoping you get another little girl in your life soon.

  5. I'm excited to follow this new road on your journey! xo

  6. Thinking of you. Hoping the process is a smooth one

  7. I was still in the hospital after having my daughter at 22 weeks when my brother told me "Lots of people have babies die you will get over it". It broke my heart to realize how lots of people don't understand.


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