Monday, August 17, 2015

Adoption Journey Update 7

I apologize again for not getting a post, or just a short note, letting you all know things were okay out sooner. I had wanted to wait until all the papers were signed before I made any big announcements, just in case. Then, once papers were signed I just kept saying that I'd post something tomorrow, which I obviously ended up never doing til now. Here is a short, well kind of long, look at our adoption journey after baby was born.

Baby Ruby Evelynn was born on August 3, 2015 at 1:42pm. She was 6lbs 11oz., 18.5 inches long, and had a full head of blonde hair. Our birthmom did great and I am so grateful she let me be in the delivery room. When the dr had broke her water that morning there had been meconium in it which can cause the baby distress and lead to infection and even pneumonia. Because of this there was a pediatrician and nicu staff in the delivery room to assess baby at birth. Once born they were able to suction a lot of the meconium out of her lungs right away but said she was having some breathing issues and would need to go right to the nicu. I was so panicked but I was also so glad that she was induced that day because I can't imagine how much worse it could've been had they waited til she went into labor on her own.

I headed down to the nicu shortly after Ruby was brought there to see how she was doing. The pediatrician told us that by the time they got to the nicu she was doing remarkably better, so they decided not do the xray afterall and said that she didn't even need the cpap. They still wanted to monitor her for a couple hours though and wanted to give her all her shots before they would let any of us hold her or release her from the nicu.

In the state that we adopted her from it only had a 12 hr relinquishment period, but since Ruby wasn't born until the afternoon our adoption lady wasn't going to come in the middle of the night to get signatures. So, when Tuesday morning came we were so eager for the adoption lady to come. We waited and waited and waited some more. Ruby had been in with her birthmom most of the day, except the feedings and that we had her in our room overnight, so Dereck and I had to just sit in our hospital room alone with our thoughts, and we were going crazy with fear. I thought pregnancy was scary waiting for a baby to be born alive and healthy, but let me tell you, waiting for the birthmom to sign the papers is a real mind f#÷&. Her husband, who wasn't the bio dad, and her mom were all trying to convince her to change her mind. We were certain we were never going to get to see her again. Finally, at about 3:30pm our adoption lady came in and said the papers were signed. Our birthmom even put Ruby Evelynn on the birth certificate. So, when everything's official all we would have to do is get her last name changed to ours.

We left the hospital shortly after the papers were signed and moved close to where the agency was, about an hour and a half away. We just needed a release from the agency stating that we were Ruby's power of attorney and a letter from the agency stating that the hospital can release her into our custody. We went to the adoption agency the next day, on Wednesday, and signed our section of the adoption papers. Ruby's bio dad went into the agency office on Thursday and signed his section of the paperwork. From there on out we just hung out at our hotel waiting to hear when our court date was and also when Juneau had received and signed off on ICPC. A week later, on the 12th, we finally had court. There we met with the lawyer and a judge. We were able to do this now so that we don't have to come back for the official court date for finalization on September 30th. At that time the lawyer will stand in for us and Ruby will officially be ours.

Also, on the 12th we drove back to the town Ruby was born in and met up with our birthmom and her family so they could spend a bit of time with her before we left town. It was so evident how much her and her family loved Ruby. I am so grateful that she chose us and says she made the right decision, but we feel for her. We know far too well what it is like to leave the hospital empty handed. We assured her that we will not disclude Ruby from her life. We have each others phone numbers to keep in contact and can send pics via text message. Also, part of the legal agreement is that we send her and the bio dad at least 10 pics every 6 months the first 2 years and then once a year after that. We will send her all the pics she wants, directly to her even, if that's what she'd like. I think and hope we will always have a good relationship and that Ruby will always know who her birthmom is and knows that she loves her.

We finally got the call on the afternoon of the 14th that the ICPC paperwork was approved by Juneau, which meant we could finally go home. We got plane tickets for the next night, the 15th. Exactly 3 weeks to the day we left, we were finally home.

As far as the breastfeeding goes, well, it's not going as great as it did with Max. I ran out of domperidone a few days after she was born. Since things went so well when I breastfeed Max, I just assumed I wouldn't need to be on it after she was born and started nursing. Well, I'd also say that the stress I felt during the hospital stay didn't help. By day 3 it seemed I already couldn't keep up and we had to supplement with formula. Now that we're back home it'll be easier to work at getting it back and I'll get back on the domperidone for another month or two. The good news is that she doesn't seem to have any nipple confusion and latches on great, so hopefully it won't take too much work.

She is such an amazing little baby and we love her so much. And today she is 2 weeks old. Our family will always be incomplete without our sweet babies Liam and Evelynn, but I will say that it seems a lot more balanced and incompletely complete now that we have our boy and our girl.

Thank you everyone for all your support on this long journey of ours to grow our family. Here's Ruby, isn't she fabulous?!






I also just want to say now before anyone decides they want to comment anything along the lines of "us saving her," or anything else of that nature that I hear far to often from other adoptive families. I even already had a fellow blm from one of my loss groups say that it's just so sad that her mom didn't want her. Maybe in the case of some adoptions that can be said, but in the case of ours, it is far from true. She loved her so much that she wanted to ensure she had the life she knew at this present time she couldn't give her. If anything its a very brave and noble thing to do.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Sorry everyone for not posting sooner. Things are good and I'll post something soon.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Adoption Journey Update 6

July 17, 2015 and July 24, 2015- Birthmom was supposed to have her weekly appts, but both times they were cancelled. I was furious. Afterall, I live in the land where babies die.

July 30, 2015- She got in a day earlier this week for her 39 week appt. than scheduled. I guess the reason her appts were canceled last time wasn't do to a neglectful dr, but instead his nurse was on vacation and the one that took over for her had no idea what she was doing. Ridiculous, but at least they are both still doing well. I got to go to this appt but mainly just sat in the corner of the room while the dr talked to her. Dr predicts baby will be born by 2:22pm. We'll see.

Before this appt I had a couple of good mini panic attacks. I know I don't have much control how everything pans out, but it's hard for me not to expect the worst. By that I mean I'm still scared of stillbirth, I have a small fear her uterus could rupture like mine did, and of course their is always the chance she or one of the dads could change their mind and not sign the adoption paperwork. I wish being more optimistic came easy to me. We didn't talk to our birthmom much the rest of the weekend, besides telling her we were excited and that we'd be at the hospital at 8 am on monday morning.

August 3, 2015- Yeah. We made it to hopefully our new baby girls birthday. As I write this it is 8am and we are sitting in the lobby outside of labor and delivery. We picked up some flowers for her and have a gift from Alaska for her daughter. I texted her when we arrived and she said that her Dr was going to be in soon to break her water. She will also be getting her epidural. She said she'll let us know when he leaves and then we can head back by her. I am sooo anxious.

When we walked into her room we learned that baby was in distress, so she and baby will be monitored closely to make sure things remain okay. We were told that at the time of delivery there will be a pediatrician and nicu staff waiting to check baby out to make sure she doesn't have an infection. The adoption lady also showed up. So now we will all just continue to wait.

1pm- The dr just checked her and she's an 8. He says it's go time in 15 min.  Eeek!  Not sure when I'll write next, but wish us luck!

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Adoption Journey Update 5

Where has time gone. It's been awhile since my last update.

May 15, 2015- June 15, 2015-  I spent the majority of the last half of May between talking to the local nursing boutique, talking to Max's Dr, and seeing a new family practice Dr to discuss inducing lactation with domperidone. I also joined an adoptive breastfeeding group on Facebook. Through them and from a few friends help I learned more about out of the country online pharmacies. My prescription arrived June 15th and I've been taking it every day since. From this point on I'll probably not talk about my inducing lactation journey since I wrote so much about it during my surrogacy journey with Max. It's just me and the pump until the babies born and crossing my fingers it'll goes as well as it did last time.

Here is a page that I learned about from the FB group. It is called Ask Lenore and has a lot of great advice on breastfeeding and inducing lactation.

June  4, 2015- Took part in an adoption webinar from my consulting agency on Preparing for Baby.

June 11, 2015- Took part in another webinar on Hospital Protocol and Preparation.

June 19, 2015- Birthmom had an ob appt today. The adoption lady went with her to the appt so that they could speak with the Dr about the adoption and work on creating the birth plan. At this time the induction was set for August 4th. August 1rst is technically 39 weeks, but it is on a Saturday and they don't induce on weekends. The birth plan paperwork is filled out so far but can always change depending on how our birth mom feels as time draws closer, or could even change the day of delivery. As of now she says that she does want Dereck and I in the room. She also wants us and the baby to have our own room and that once the baby is born to be able to go with us to our room immediately and start to feed her. She says that even though the baby isn't ours until the paperwork is signed, she wants the hospital staff to talk to all of us in regards to the baby's care. She already knows the name we have picked out and says that she will start referring to the baby as that and also use it for the name on the birth certificate. She says she doesn't want any of her family there unless she were to need a c-section, and then would like her mom there. The only thing she isn't so sure of as of now is who is going to hold the baby first. She wants to hold the baby at some point, which she needs to do, but says she may wait until sometime after the baby is with us in our room. So far I think this plan sounds fabulous.

July 7, 2015- Our birthmom had another appt. yesterday. I was able to speak to adoption lady about it today. I guess the induction got moved to august 3rd at 6:45 am! A day sooner, I'll take it! I guess now that we a set and time our adoption lady can start working on the paperwork for the hospital.

July 11, 2015- Dereck spoke to his mom and her and his stepdad are planning to drive down and meet us a few days before the baby's induction date and then plan to stay until we are able to fly home. I am grateful they are coming, especially to help with Max while we are at the hospital and then while completing all of the adoption paperwork. We are also at 36 weeks! So exciting and so scary. Trying to remain as calm as possible and just carry on as normal until its go time.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Adoption Journey Update 4

March 27, 2015- Worked on getting all other info needed for the adoption agency scanned and emailed. This included birth certificates, marriage license, 2013 taxes, and letters from Drs. offices saying we are in good health as of our last physicals. We also had to get in contact with our social worker so that the agency could get all of our home study clearances. Our social worker also had to write a letter to the agency that she will be working with us for our post placement meeting after the adoption is finalized.

April 10, 2015- We received some of our birth moms medical records but nothing related to the 20 week sonogram. Hopefully we will know more about how everything is going with the pregnancy soon. Our agency called and said that our birth mom was supposed to have an appt. today but she had to miss it due to a family emergency. She did however tell me that she had good news in that the papers were delivered and already back from the biological dad saying that he agreed to an adoption and wanted no part in the babies life. He still has just as long as our birth mom to change his mind but at least so far he is saying he is good with signing his parental rights away.

April 14, 2015-bought out plane tickets to go meet our birth mom and her daughter. Eeeek!

April 17, 2015- had a mock birth mom talk with a lady that gave her baby up for a daughter last year. It was nice hearing what she had to say about her experience and knowing in the end it truly was the right decision.

April 20, 2015- spoke with the adoption consultant about our travels to meet our birth mom. Discussed things like never answer any questions about how much this is costing us or how much we make and that we should probably never bring up anything related to her ex, which is her daughters dad, or this baby's dad.

April 23, 2015- Met with Max's pediatrician today to tell him about the adoption. We asked him about what he would like us to do once the baby is born and also to ask him if he will help me again with inducing lactation so that I can breastfeed this baby as well. We will most likely do things, for the most part, exactly the same as we did with Max in terms of getting all medical records and then following up with pediatrician as soon as we arrive home. I don't know what I am going to do about the breastfeeding though. I really want to do it again, but I won't be able to use domperidone like I did to induce it for Max. The FDA officially banned it for who really knows why. I am going to go with the formula makers paid them off because they know it works so well and they'd rather have you buy formula. I have that about buying it from China or India, but not sure how much I can trust that. I could take Reglan but that can have horrible long term side effects. My milk still seems to be here a tiny bit, so I am thinking of doing some good old fashion hand expressing, making lactation cookies, and whatever else I can do to get it to come back more and more on its own. I honestly think that since I never had issues in the past with my milk coming in that once the baby is here it'll just pick up on its own.

April 27, 2015- Spoke with adoption agency about birth moms recent Dr appt. Things are still good there. Also discussed our coming visit.

May 7, 2015- Got on our flight to meet our birth mom. So nervous and afraid I would saw the wrong thing.

May 8, 2015- Spent the day with our birth mom, her mom, her daughter, and lady from the adoption agency. We started with lunch but didn't get to talk too much since the kids were bouncing all over the place. After lunch we headed to an indoor park so the kids could play and we could have time to chat. They did ask if we had the nursery set up yet. We felt kind of bad because we don't really. Max is still in there and the baby will most likely sleep in our room for quite a few months. Then, I think we need to decide when Max is going to a toddler bed so baby can have the crib. The adoption lady asked our birth mom if she was planning to name the baby first or not. She has the choice of giving her a name for the birth certificate, just have the birth certificate say baby girl, or give the baby our name right off the bat. Our birth mom said she didn't want to leave it just as baby girl but also didn't want to name the baby herself because she is afraid of growing more of an attachment. She did ask us what names we were considering, which her and her mom said they liked them all, and said that she would prefer to give the baby our name. I loved that she said that "after all the baby is ours". We briefly talked about a birth plan. She isn't too sure how she wants to go about it yet. She did say though that she didn't want her mom in the room. At her next Ob appt the adoption lady wants to go along so that they can start to discuss with the Dr the possibility of doing an induction so that we can try to have a plan. We also told her that I am hoping to breastfeed, like I did with Max, and she seemed like she really liked that, especially to help with the bonding. I wish I would've asked her more questions but wasn't really to sure on what all too ask about. I asked her if she had any specific questions for us but she said "no" and that we did such a good job on our profile book that she felt she knew us so well already. She also said that now after meeting us she feels even more confident that she did make the right decision. 

May 9-11, 2015. Spent the day weekend with a friend who lived in the area who also lost a baby and then when on to adopt. She is actually the one who referred me to the consulting agency we went through. From her I ended up learning about this thing called ICPE, which I didn't know a thing about. I ended up asking our adoption lady and she briefly went over it with me. Pretty much it sounds like once the baby is born and the paperwork is signed it has to get sent to the state, then get sent to my state so that they are aware we are bringing this adopted baby into it, then sent back to her state all before we can go. I guess this can take up to a week. We also can't leave the state with that baby at any point with the baby until this is all finished, which is kind of a bummer since my friend literally lives right on the border of the state, but on the other side. I guess that means we will be staying there for at least a week before we can go home with her.

For now I am just happy things are going well and that she still seems really happy with her decision to let us adopt her baby. Saturday marks 28 weeks which puts us in the 3rd trimester and less than 3 months to go!
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