Sunday, April 19, 2015


My baby girls 3rd birthday is in just a few days. Today I am feeling it; the sadness, the grief, my anger toward the world. Today it was set off by the fact that I went to a babies brunch. When will things like this not bring on so much pain? A bunch of our friends got together with all of our kids, well, except their were two missing. There is always going to be two missing, and I'm sure I am the only one who noticed. I hate that Liam should've been one of the oldest and Evelynn would be the same age as my friends boy, since we were pregnant together. Max is just in the middle since my other friends all have their little babies within a month of age from one another. I am feeling a lot of jealousy right now. If all goes well with the adoption, that baby will be just a month or two younger than another friend of mine who is due in June. I guess that's something, but I don't want to think about that since I know nothing is guaranteed in pregnancy.
On April 14th Dereck got a vasectomy. This might have been the wrong month to consider getting that done, but then all I can think about is, what if we accidentally did get pregnant? That would kind of suck since we are in the process of adopting. Although after seeing all the babies today it made me just want to cry that I'll never be pregnant again and never get the chance to see another one of my biological babies grow, especially not a daughter. Even though our chances are slim, it makes me want to just try anyway. The Dr. told Dereck there is a couple month window in which it could still be possible. I guess their is always the sperm we have cryopreserved too, but then it just goes back to just wanting to be out of that trying to conceive stage and be done already.
I guess, not much else to say. I just want to make it through this week as sane as possible.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

18 Months of Max

I have had many people ask me how Max is doing. Well, he is pretty great! He turned 18 months back on March 26th and is a very busy little boy. He's running all over the place and climbs on everything. He says hi, Sadie (our dog), mom, dad, and thank you pretty clearly. He eats most things. Although he has a bunch of food sensitivities that make it difficult at times to find something quick. I have joined a lot of play groups, which are super difficult for me at times, but I know Max needs it and the adult conversation is much needed.

I just completed a scrapbook for Max, using Shutterfly because I just don't have the time to do one by hand these days, starting with the letter that Jessica first emailed to me offering to be our carrier. So, the first part of the book starts with our journey with Jessica, his birth, about a zillion pictures later, and then ending with his first birthday with family and a visit with Jessica and her family one year later. I think this will come in handy, not just for memories, but for when the time comes to tell Max all about Jessica and how he came to be.

We just got home from a trip to Hawaii so here are some pics of our time there and a few others.

running around before heading to the airport

Our rainbow at Rainbow Falls
Happy Easter!

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Adoption Journey Update 3

March 16, 2015- After seeing multiple cases that either didn't fit what we were looking for, and a few that we considered but decided against, we finally got a case that we decided to submit for. Caucasian baby girl with a due date of August 8th. No drugs or alcohol. Mom is having a hard time supporting the daughter she has and so wants to give this baby more opportunity.

March 17, 2015- Our consultant said that the agency for this case needed profiles by the 18th, and so we needed to electronically submit a pdf of our profile. She also told me that I needed to write a letter to the birthmom and attach it to the email. I was so nervous but I got it wrote up and got it all submitted.

March 20. 2015- Even though the profiles had needed to be in by that Wednesday, apparently the birthmom wouldn't be able to make it the agency until Friday the 20th. So we waited and waited to hopefully get a call from our consultant letting us know the result, that's if she would've been able to make a decision so quickly. Instead, I got an email from our consultant from the agency letting her know that they will hopefully have an answer by Tuesday the next week.

March 23, 2015- I tried not to think about the birth mom's decision all weekend and just hoped for the best. Monday came and I was just finishing a shutterfly book I had made for Max's first year when I got the call. I won't say what state the birthmom lives in, but when I saw a number come up on my phone from said state, I got so excited, and instantly thought, "could this be the actual adoption agency calling me to give me the good news". That's assuming that if it was bad news my consultant probably would've just called me or sent me an email. I was right about the number. Right away the women I spoke to said she had fabulous news for us. She said that out of 13 profiles that were submitted, she picked us. I couldn't believe it. I was jumping up and down. How was this possible. How did we actually get picked out of 13, on our first case we submitted to, and only being a few months into our adoption journey?! We talked for a while about the birthmom and about the agency there and then she said she'd send me some pictures and all the paperwork we needed to do. If we agreed to everything we needed to have the contract signed and $15,000 deposit overnighted to them.

March 24, 2015- Anxiety completely set in. Was and am still excited but the fears of her changing her mind about the adoption or one of the 2 father that needs to sign the adoption papers won't give up their rights or will change their mind last minute. I hate that their is still over 4 months of her pregnancy left. Plus, after seeing the ultrasound pictures and even pictures of her, it all seems even more real now.

March 25, 2015- Got the cashiers check and all the paperwork printed off, filled out, and signed.

March 26, 2015- Brought our signed contract, agency paperwork, and deposit to FedEx to get mailed to agency. We're officially doing this! August came come soon enough.

Once the agency gets our paperwork we will have to set up a time to go to the birthmom and agencies state to meet her. It is going to be a completely open adoption and the birthmom wants to meet us before the delivery. We are thinking it'd probably be best to meet her sooner than later and hopefully she'll still love us. Eeeek! I am so nervous but if all of this continues to go the way it has so far, we will have a baby girl before Max's 2nd birthday!!!!!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Adoption Journey Update 2

February 12, 2015- Met with social worker one last time to get finished home study packet and pay for the home study. I also immediately emailed my adoption consultant to let her know we are home study ready, which means we can officially start seeing profiles!!!!

February 17, 2015- Spoke with adoption consultant about what all we need to do if we decide we like one of the profiles that gets sent to us and also just in general how to read through the profiles since they will be coming from multiple different agencies and all look a little bit different. She also told us that since our criteria for a baby is pretty narrowed down; Caucasian, girl, newborn to 1 years old, no alcohol use, that we won't see too many profiles. So, she will actually send us all of the profiles, minus any that seem truly wrong for us, like some serious alcohol use, so that way, just in case, some other profile not in our criteria catches our eye and we get the opportunity to adopt one of those babies instead, if we like.

Since we spoke to our consultant we have seen 2 profiles. Neither fit into our criteria, but still nice to see what different profiles look like from different states and different expecting moms.

*If at all possible please spread the word that we're adopting for us, if you can. Our social worker told us that she has met more people who were able to adopt just by word of mouth because someone randomly over heard a conversation from a couple of people that were talking about themselves or even a friend who was wanting to adopt, and they just so happened to know someone that was looking to put their baby up for adoption.

Here is our adoption profile book as well. Since I wanted it on here page by page, the quality is not great. The actual profile book and pdf are awesome looking though.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Adoption Journey Update 1

We are getting so close to being able to see profiles. Here is what's been going on so far.

December 18, 2014- We made the decision to adopt and use the same company that a fellow blm friend of mine used. I went to their website and filled out the online application and later spoke to the owner of the adoption consulting agency we are going to be working with about how the process works. The owner will also be our consultant through the process.

December 21, 2014- emailed in our paperwork 

December 22, 2014- We paid our initial upfront consulting fees. We're officially doing this!

December 21, 2014- got home study packet from our social worker. Lots of pages for Dereck and I to fill out about ourselves, our financial state, etc. Also immediately got the forms for our 3 references and work info sent out.

January 5, 2015- I got my fingerprint and criminal background check done for our home study. Also, got info from adoption consultant to set up our eadopt account. This is how we will keep everything organized through the process and get all our education done. At first the amount of tasks that we needed was rather overwhelming.

January 7, 2015- Our social worker came over to our house to meet with us and make sure our house was suitable for another baby. It was about an hour long meeting and went really well.

January 8, 2015- Dereck got his fingerprints done. We also had a phone appt with our adoption  consultant about what we're looking for in a baby, as in age, race, sex, etc, and she also wanted to make sure we got started on our profile.

January 10, 2015- Finally started our profile book.  I never thought I'd get it done because I was so worried about not having the right pictures, wording things wrong, or even how to write the "Dear Birth Mom" letter.

January 16, 2015- Worked practically nonstop for 5 day's on our book and then had our consultant take a peek to see if we needed to make any changes. She said she loved it, only had us change a few things, and to go ahead and order a bunch of copies for us and a couple for her to have on hand. Dereck and I also had our individual meetings with the social worker. At those meetings we each got asked about finances, our views on raising kids, our families, and our upbringing. I thought these meetings went pretty well, considering in the beginning I was so nervous.

January 18, 2015- Got all of the education tasks on our checklist from our eadopt account done thus far and waiting until the next set of them are available. Our adoption consultant also gave us a few profiles to look at so we can get used to seeing how they will come from various agencies. Of course, none of these cases we can actually say anything about since our home study isn't completed yet.

January 24, 2015- Received our first profile book I ordered in the mail. I just love it. It turned out even better than I thought it would. Now we just hope that one of the expecting moms loves it, and us, enough to pick us too. So, now we just have to wait for our home study to get closed out so we can start looking at profiles. I spoke with our social worker the other day and all she needs is the results of our fingerprints back before she can finalize everything. My goal was to have everything done by the end of the January, so we could start seeing profiles by February, but it looks like it'll be the middle of February at this point.

February 4, 2015- social worker sent me the draft of our home study to review and make any corrections it may need. I also set up an appt with her for the 12th to come by and hopefully the home study will be completed.

February 9, 2015- Today I got an email from our adoption consultant wondering if our home study is complete. I let her know about the meeting we have with the social worker on Thursday and that it should be ready after that. She informed that their is about 10 other families they are also working with at this time that are female specific like us, and because of this we need to respond to any of the cases that appeal to us after we receive them as soon as possible.

So that is where we are now. Hopefully soon I can share news of seeing our first cases. And who knows, we could love one of our first cases and even get picked back.

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