Jessica went in for her 16 weeks appt. last Thursday. It was supposed to have been a regular ob appt., but she ended up having some more bleeding again, so the dr. decided to order a full u/s on her as well. Placenta is low lying, but not over cervix. Cervix is closed. They did a look at the brain and spine, because spina bifida is still a worry to me even though Evelynn didn't have it, and so far that looks great as well. Baby is still as active as ever. Overall baby is looking and doing great.
But I bet the thing all of you are wondering is if we learned the sex yet, am I right? I was so hoping we were going to learn the sex as well, even though this wasn't supposed to be an u/s based appt. Well, we did. I am actually pretty ashamed at myself about how I reacted to the news. I guess I will just come out and say it.
We are having another BOY!
As soon as I heard that and seen the pics confirming he was a boy, who clearly wasn't at all shy of showing the world his business, I bawled my eyes out. I cried and then cried some more. I hate myself for crying when all I should care about is that he is healthy. We are in Hawaii, trying to relax and destress and I let it get to me the rest of the day. I was just so hoping for another girl. The thought of having to go home and slowly begin to pack up all my girl stuff makes me even more angry than I already am that Evelynn died. All of her dresses. All of the pink. What if I never have another girl again. I feel so pathetic, I have a healthy boy growing and I am complaining. Ugh!
I love it that Jessica is so understanding of my feelings toward this. She doesn't judge me for wishing this baby was a girl. She lets me know its okay to keep on grieving my daughter and that she will take care of our little guy until he is ready to meet us.
We are still in Hawaii as I write this and these past couple days since I learned we are having anther boy I can already see that I have definitely started coming around with the whole boy thing. I was going to have to eventually, right? I do love him and have already had many moments thinking about all of the wonderful things we are going to do together. Although I worry about letting myself think too much about it only to once again be left babyless.
Well I won't leave you hanging any longer, and yes I am sharing his name with you all. I waited for it to be a surprise with both Liam and Evelynn, and then regretted it later.
Introducing Liam and Evelynn's baby brother, Maximilian!