For so long it seemed I was stuck in a place where time stood still, but everyone else's lives seemed to be happily moving forward. I remember those final days leading up to the rupture and her birth and how excited I let myself get. I was finally going to have a baby at home......and then of course it was gone, again. Having Max here has not only made time not seem like it's standing still, but instead flying by. The worst part about it is that it still hurts so much, especially around this time of year when we should be celebrating a birthday, her second, with her here.
As usual I never seem to know what to do on these birthdays and anniversaries. I want to honor my babies but I still just can't get past the unfairness of it all. I tend to pout, and that's what I did all day until an unexpected surprise showed up. At about 3 in the afternoon on her birthday, April 22nd, the doorbell rang. There was a lady at the door with a birthday balloon and some flowers. The lady looked at me and said, "Evelynn Rasmussen," and the tears formed immediately. Somebody said her name!
It is now 2 and a half weeks since her second birthday and that balloon is still hanging around the house. It was floating around for a long time from room to room and now is just hanging out in the living room as it's lacking in air. I love seeing it and smile thinking of my girl.
I finally got her scrapbook out and am determined to get it done before the year is out. I wish sooner, but I am not going to push myself. Getting that out alone with all of her hospital pictures is progress in itself. I've still barely looked at them since we got them developed. I also still haven't gotten any of her NLMDTS pictures on the wall, but that I hope to get up by the end of the year too. We will see.
Love you forever baby girl.
Happy birthday, sweet Evelynn, and hugs to your mommy.ReplyDelete
Happy Birthday Evelynn. As always I wish she was here to celebrate.. HugsReplyDelete
That's beautiful. I'm so glad someone said her name out loud-- a stranger. It's beautiful. Wishing she were here and I completely understand how it could be so hard to figure out just what to do. It's such an odd place to be-- an abnormal and unfair one-- to live on their birthday and know they are not celebrating with you.ReplyDelete
Much love to you. You're a beautiful mom of three.