I hope this was only a one time thing but last night I had a bad dream involving the new baby getting an u/s with the Perinatologist. The Dr. said nothing through the entire exam but at the end informs me that my baby has a bad cleft palette. Now that is definitely not something really that serious but in my dream I was bawling my eyes out and asking the Dr. if there was anything else wrong, inquiring if the cleft palette was a sign of a more serious problem or if my baby had Spina Bifida again or what. The Dr. said she wasn't going to talk to me about it but will send the results to my Ob Dr. and she will go over them with me.
Part of me feels like this is like a flashback to when I found out about how bad Liam's Spina Bifida was. The Perinatologist didn't really tell me much then either and I had to find out the next day at work when my Ob called and asked how I was handling the bad news.
I want to believe this is just some stupid dream and not a sign that my baby is sick again but now I am getting nervous for the Quad screen. This is not what I needed. I'm already having trouble sleeping and now this dream. Some may not find this to be that horrible and even consider it just a dream, but I have been trying to do my best to remain as calm as possible and that didn't help.
As my counselor would tell me, just breathe and remember that there is nothing I can do about anything until I get the results back. It's true and I have been working hard on relaxing and not excessively worrying about things I can't control, but stupid dream:(.
The Christmas Box or not. This book was given to me in a folder I received filled with pamphlets about grief and loss. It is a short book but it took me forever to read because I would bawl my eyes out after every page I read. I am bringing this up right now because I found out there is a movie based on this book and I had to watch it, although the book is so much better. It is also supposed to be a true story, which makes it even better. I would definitely give it a read, even if you haven't experienced the loss of a child.