Jessica says Max is still as active as ever and is pretty consistent on his 3-4am somersaults. Thats my boy! She also said that at this point she already seems bigger than she ever was with both her boys. We may have a big boy on our hands, who knows.
Yesterday was the 28 weeks appt and Jessca had her diabetes glucose testing. All good! Now we move to appts every 2 weeks. At this appt it was brought up to Jessica that we need to get a hospital/ labor and delivery tour and figure things out for that day. Eeeek! I want to do this and be able to ask lots of questions about that day and how things will work once Max is born. Will he get given straight to us for me to try and breastfeed? Will we get our own private room so we can have a little bit of alone time with him once he is born? What will happen if he needs to go to the NICU? This makes me so crazy nervous to think about. As much as I like things organized, in order, and perfect, things in the baby delivery dept has never quite worked out for us.
Jessica told me her idea of how she see's everything happening for the delivery and after. I agree with her for the most part. Jessica needs the support of her family and I know they have already been supportive of her doing this for us. I love the idea of both our families being there and coming together as one. The only thing that worries me is that I will not want to give Max up once I get him. I want everyone to meet him and hold him because so many are so excited for his arrival, but I have been waiting so long for this and scared at how fast things could get taken away from me again. My crazy mind is just spinning about this and how I will react that day once he is born. I see myself bawling my eyes out both for the joy of finally having a healthy baby delivered and also for Liam and Evelynn who deserve to be here. I am also scared that I may be worried about getting to attached as well for fear of him getting taken away or that I will hurt him because my crazy mind still likes to try and convince me that my babies dying is all my fault. I hate to sound slefish but sometimes I just want my baby and to get back to Alaska so that I can finally have what I have been wanting for so long. Ahh! I hate thinking this way, but yet so much to think about and it is getting closer.
In August I will also be working with our lawyer again so we can get the prebirth order put into place before Max is born. We really loved that Jessica lived in North Dakota because of the laws regarding using a gestational carrier. Maybe you all remember me first writing about these types of laws when we were first looking into getting a carrier. Anyway I will resum it up for you all. Alaska wasn't preferred because I would've had to adopt my own biological baby from the carrier, but Dereck would always be the father. In Minnesota you can't file a birth order until the baby is born alive, but would be put right in our names. The downfall would be if the baby was stillborn, then he would not be considered ours because the state doesn't recognize a stillbirth as a birth. In North Dakota, Max was always ours in the states eyes. We could do the paperwork anytime and no matter what our names on his birth certificate. Make sense. Were any of you ever afraid of any of this when you were trying to bring your rainbow home, minus the gestational carrier of course? I know I had a lot of these various thoughts with Evelynn as well.
I am on my count down for the number of weeks I have left at work and coming to MN/ND until I return with Max, hopefully, better be returning with him. I am excited but so nervous. Eeek! I have been to this point before and it's only going to get more nerve racking as time draws closer. I just have to keep staying busy, breathe, and think positive.
For anyone who is interested I will be in Minnesota/North Dakota for what could be a couple weeks before Max is born, unless he comes early like at 37, which I kind of hope. So what I am saying is that if anyone lives close and would like to try and meet up, let me know and maybe we can try and work something work.
Operation Bring Milk Back for Max:
It has now been a month since I last spoke to the lady from the Nursing Boutique about my milk production and over a month since I first tried to start pumping again. I wish I could say things are going well with it, but I am getting discouraged. I am not producing any more milk than when I first started seeing milk originally after the 20 week anatomy scan:(. I had been pumping and doing hand massages about 5 times a day. I have also seen the acupuncturist twice, but going to start going more frequently once we hit August.
I called the Nursing Boutique back the other day and asked their thoughts on how they think I should be doing right now. I spoke to a different lady than I had before and she recommended that I start doing massages and/or pump ever 2-3 hours around the clock. It has been hard doing it more often during the day being at work because I don't have long enough breaks, other than at lunch, to be able to get set up and pump or even do hand massages for at least 10-15 minutes at a time. I also hadn't been pumping in the middle of the night, but I guess I need to start doing that again at least once or twice after I go to bed.
She also brought up herbs to me again, which I have mentioned I am not to keen on, but I kind of feel desperate and considering starting this one that is normally used with the Regulin to help produce more mam tissue, I think. I feel I am willing to do anything and almost back to wanting to do the Domperidone again just because it would be the easy route, expensive but easier.
This really is so much harder than I expected. It was different before when the milk was there, along with the need to pump to relieve the pressure, but now it is just kind of depressing. I hate that I want to give up so easily though. I have time to still get things working, but it was just so much easier last time. I remember people telling me how strong I was to pump and donate after my daughter died and how they could never be able to do that. It was rewarding to do it last time. I was helping babies with my daughters milk. I have a goal this time too, to be able to breastfeed my son, but without having the milk be there so easily, it sucks. I find myself struggling at the fine line between wanting to pump now so my son can breastfeed exclusively later and trying to move forward in life aside from baby. Yes, I want to do this, but the constant need to pump gets in the way of me wanting to get out with friends, hiking, working out, going fishing, getting away for a few days, and so forth because I have to be attached to the pump. I did it last summer, which was still inconviencing at times, but I made it work, but since my milk was in I could get away with longer time periods in between those pumps if needed. Now having to pump or feel myself up every couple hours I feel even more like that weird friend, even weirder than I did last summer. I know they all understand, but sometimes I get annoyed with it all because I think about how things should never have been this way to begin with. It's just frustrating is all.
I am going to do it though. I am determined. I will pump and massage every few hours, I will keep doing acupunture, I may start herbs in a few weeks. I have even been consuming large amounts of oatmeal because it is very lactogenic and even been drinking coconut water almost daily because it apparently is great for lactating moms. Come on milk, you know you want to come back with meds.
For anyone who is interersted here are some links the nursing boutique has given me to look into on how to do different types of hand massages, herbs used, and ways to increase a low milk supply-
http://newborns.stanford.edu/Breastfeeding/ and http://www.lowmilksupply.org/.
Also a popular one they gave me last year in regards to lactation and breastfeeding- http://kellymom.com/.
Yay! Third trimester! Only 11 more weeks to go, oh my goodness, I am so excited for you! Glad to hear you're motivated to bring the milk back, despite the roadblocks. If your milk came in like it did with the anatomy scan, I bet once you see your little man after the birth your breasts will be really engorged.ReplyDelete
As for me, no luck yet :( I've convinced myself over the past few weeks that maybe I have PCOS. Earliest appointment I could get with my ob/gyn is late August. Still hoping for my rainbow.
Grow Max grow!ReplyDelete
Everything you are doing to make Max' milk sounds amazing and so stressful! I guess it is something to focus on when life and waiting is just so incredibly stressful...
I'm sure different lactation consultants will advise everything under the sun and that is hard to sort through all the advise and do what feels the most right for you. Not that you need yet another advise giver, but if you want to see someone in person while you are in MN, I went to an LC at the UMN who I liked. Her name is Kathy Eide. One thing she recommended was "lactation cookies" with flax, oats and brewer's yeast.
I am so looking forward to that post when you are back home Alaska with Max in your arms just soaking him up!
Sending love and hope from the midwest xoxo
The medicine I got prescribed when my supply was low was called Reglan - not sure if we are talking about the same thing but it did help me, but made me TIRED! Also, eat, eat, eat! Goot hearty meals help your body produce more milk. I definitely ate more oatmeal like you mentioned. If I think of anything else that helped, I'll shoot you an email. Gosh, I hope it works for you. Breastfeeding can be so stressful! If you decide not to go that route I hope you find peace with that and know that Max needs your love far more than anything else. :)ReplyDelete
11 weeks, let's hurry up time!
Reglan and domperidone are the 2 medicines that were brought up to me at first if I wanted to just go with meds. I prefer to use domperidone if I use any at all and that is because the Reglan crosses the blood brain barrier and has lots of horrible side effects, whereas the domperidone doesn't. Glad to hear it worked for you though.Delete
Hi Becky, so glad to see your post and to know that your son is doing well. Was waiting for this update. I can relate with all the anxiety and apprehension. I'm keeping everything crossed for you and wishing that Jessica will have the most uneventful eleven weeks more and at the end of it you'll have your bouncing baby in your arms.ReplyDelete
I wish the breast feeding works out for you somehow because you deserve it so much. Here it's believed that fenugreek can help in milk producing. Check it out of you can. Take care x
I'm thrilled to hear Max is growing and thriving and bummed for you about that milk production. Ugh.ReplyDelete
I sure wish something would come easy!!
I think (and hope hope hope) that seeing Max will make a powerful difference for you. So impressed with how hard you continue to work for milk for Max! You really deserve to have *something* go smoothly and easily! I can't imagine the firestorm of emotions you must be dealing with now as well as anticipating at Max's birth. I just hope everything goes beautifully for each of you, and you're all back in AK before you know it!ReplyDelete
Just came across this blog today. I lost my baby at 18 weeks due to placenta previa and percreta just 8 weeks ago. Needed emergency hysterectomy, so although we had no issues conceiving, I can't carry my own baby. I am also starting the GC journey - my sister offered to carry our baby. I am dealing with grief, but trying to look forward as well. I am so sorry for the losses of your beautiful babies and am inspired by your strength. I'll be following your journey and can't wait to see you bring your Max home!ReplyDelete
I can't believe just 11 weeks to go! I know you are crazy stressed out, but try some breathing exercises or listen to calm baby lullabies. It may help with the milk production. Just an educated guess. In my mind, when you see and hold Max, your milk will do its thing! Drink water too! I want so much for your nursing to work! I've done nursing and the bottle with my two rainbows. Both are good. Hey, he can always use your breast as a pacifier if the milk doesn't work at first and perhaps your milk will come in! ((Hugs))ReplyDelete