I have been incredibly anxious for so many reasons. First being that I am nervous for this month and all that it meant for me and Liam, the time leading up to the fetal surgery, and the big one year mark. Second is my anxiety for this pregnancy. I have been just so nervous to tell people I'm pregnant because I am afraid people will forget Liam and assume this baby is a replacement to him and they'll assume now I can just move on and be happy. Also I am afraid of telling people things are going good and then they go bad again. I'm scared of being visibly pregnant and having people I don't know ask me about this pregnancy, especially patients at work. I mean I have already gone through almost a year of telling people about Liam and answering the question to people that don't know me that "I do in fact have a son but that he died", but the idea of telling people that ask if this is my first that "no it is actually my second" scares the crap out of me. And of course also scared because I want this baby to be birth defect free and live.
This anxiety was seriously getting the best of me, but then I got the call of calls, exactly what I needed.
While trying to wait patiently, well not so much, for these quad screen results because I needed to know them so badly the nurse finally called me tonight. I want to jump for joy and typing this with a huge smile on my face. According to the labs my babe has a 1 in 5000 chance of having both a neural tube defect and for trisomy. 1 in 5000 people! I had to repeat that back to her just to make sure I heard her correctly. This is incredible to me, the best thing I've heard in awhile, and exactly what I needed right now to calm the skyrocketed, heart pounding anxiety that I have had. Woohoo!
So here I am, 4 months into my pregnancy and have had all great test results so far. I feel like this is a huge milestone to have not had one red flag yet! Do I dare say that I think this baby might actually be perfectly healthy, can I let the excitement in, and not be speaking too soon? Yippee!
Other than that anxiety craziness and now this fabulous news there hasn't been anything too new this past week and probably nothing new till the next Ob appt next Thursday. Maybe I'll try and get the nerve up to tell some more people about this pregnancy. So far at work, besides the other girl that's pregnant and my boss, I have only told our PA and she said she thought I was pregnant because I have seemed happier in the last couple months then I have in a long time. That was good to hear that others have noticed I have been happier, anxious, but happier.