This not how I wanted to start my 4th of July weekend. I was so happy earlier after getting my IUI today, I even posted about it here. All that excitement was short, very short, lived. I know a few other blm's have posted about Facebook recently and I have felt I was okay with it, that was up until the last post I read and now I am done. Maybe not done forever, but done for now. In the past I have managed to look at Facebook, even when I saw others who have announced pregnancies or showed their newborns pictures, and get angry, annoyed, and bothered by it but never have I felt the way I feel right now.
So I looked at Facebook, when I should have been working, but thought I'd check it before I left for the day. I end up seeing a post from a guy friend saying he added new pictures to one of his albums. I saw the album name and thought "who is that"? I clicked on the album and saw a whole page of baby pictures and of course I get curious then and want to know whose baby that is thinking maybe just a brother or sisters child and he's a proud uncle. Nope! I decided to click on his page only to read a post saying that "in case you all didn't know I had a baby girl on Valentine's Day".
My heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest, I felt shaky, I wanted to scream, and tears were instantly forming in my eyes. I couldn't breakdown or scream because I was still at work and had patients to attend to. Why did I look at Facebook and why today is it affecting me so much to see a post about someone I know having a baby. Dereck and I have been friends with this guy for a little over a year and he was really sweet to us after we lost Liam. Right after we got back home from Liam's funeral in January he had dropped off a couple of baskets filled with chocolates, candles, and other goodies at my friends house. We aren't super close to this guy, but we are friends, and how sweet of him I thought to think of us after our loss.
When I was finally able to get out and do more activity after my 6 week healing period from my c-section I hung out with him a few times. This was sometime in March, but not once did he mention he was having a baby, let alone had one on Valentines Day. I'm guessing he probably didn't say anything because he knew it wasn't what I wanted to hear, but now finding out about it 5 months later through facebook feels horrible.
As soon as I hit my car after work the tears just started pouring down my face. I cried almost all the way home. Then when I got home and told Dereck I broke out bawling again. It's not Facebook's fault, its mine for looking at it when I know the consequences of the crap people post. Just mad I guess. I am just so tired of everyone around me having babies this year. I am pretty sure that pregnancy wasn't planned either, which just urks me even more.