Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Keeping Busy

The last couple of weekends I have gotten out quite a bit, doing a lot of hiking and camping. Feels good to get out and doing all the things I love to do again. Just wish Liam could be here. I drove down to Seward on Friday night to meet a good friend who I was going to be hiking and camping with. I was worried about the drive alone. I am not a huge fan of driving long distances the way it is and here I was alone. The drive turned out to be beautiful, clear skies with a gorgeous sunset, and went fairly fast. About 20 minutes into my drive though I broke out crying thinking about how Liam should be here and he is missing this. I really do love this state and it makes me so mad that he can't be here to enjoy its beauty with me. I mean how could Liam not have fallen in love with Alaska like his momma did, its beautiful!
Love, love, love all of the wildflowers, and this hike was filled with them.

I had a great couple of days hiking, did 15 miles on Saturday and 6.6 on Sunday. I was surprised that I did so well since my endurance has gone down so much this past year, but now I feel like I am finally getting it back. My friend and I even ran the last half of the hike. Still would give anything to be slow, tired, and pregnant though, or just not have been able to go altogether because Liam was crabby and 15 miles was too much for a 3-4 month old. I tried not to dwell on that thought much, but it is so hard sometimes not to wonder what things would be like if he were here; where he should be.

I do have to say how good of a friend I have that I camped and hiked with this weekend. If it wasn't for her and a few other friends I really don't think I would be out doing all the activities I have been lately. She is always asking me how I am doing and asking me tons of questions about where I am this cycle with trying again, doing another IUI, and other pregnancy related stuff. I love that she asks and I love to tell. She also still brings up Liam a lot which makes me soo happy!!! I hope she knows how much it means to me that she's always asking and always willing to listen. Although, sometimes I feel like I get so caught up in my own world of emotions and craziness that I forget to ask more about what's going on in everyone else's life. I just hope she and everyone else knows that even though I might not be asking, that I really do care what's going on with them also.

So anyway, besides missing my boy I have been keeping myself rather busy lately. That is now three weekends in a row I have gone out of town camping, hiking, and/or sightseeing. I still have softball every Monday night and some Fridays, started rock climbing again, working on a Liam project for our house, and lots of other stuff in between.
This past week and a half since finding out I wasn't pregnant has been hard on me, more than it probably should, but all the activities/distractions have been good. I am not sure what I will do this weekend since I am in the process of ttc again and don't want to get all crazy like I did last cycle, but I'll write more about that later.


  1. I'm glad that you have some really great friends that you can hang out with, especially the one who still asks about Liam and where you are at TTC. It helps having someone to talk about that kind of stuff to besides your husband.

    I'm so sorry that last cycle didn't work out for you guys. I'm praying for you and keeping my fingers crossed that this is the cycle for your rainbow baby!

  2. these pictures make me want to come & visit you someday! I am glad you have such wonderful support, it does make it a tad bit easier. hugs to you, my sweet friend!

  3. Your friend sounds wonderful. I love that she talks about Liam and wants to know everything about your current cycle.
    Alaska is beautiful. I never thought much about going there before, but you are making me want to.

    I don't know if the thoughts of what things would be like if our boys were still here will ever go away. Jacob has been gone for 13 months now and I still think of it, all the time. It just doesn't hurt quite as much most of the time.

  4. I wish I had a friend like yours. I had many friends but only one reached out after my baby died....

    These pictures are beautiful

  5. Sorry that I've been so long in commenting... and sorry to hear about your negative - I know how hard it can be after losing our little ones too soon. Thinking of you always xoxo


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