6 Weeks

When I made my first appt/ u/s with my Ob dr. I knew I was scheduling it on the early side. The nurse even informed me that there was a chance that we might not even be able to see the heartbeat yet. I really wanted to see my baby though so I took the chance. Well yesterday was that appt and the nurse was correct, we were just a few days too early to detect the heartbeat. I kind of want to kick myself for scheduling so early knowing that chance, but I really needed this appt just to know anything I could about the status of my little one.

Today I am 6 weeks and yesterday at the appt. the yolk sac was measuring at about 5 weeks and a few days. Dr. said everything is growing right on schedule though which I was happy to hear. After the u/s we spent the remainder of the appt with her answering the gazillion and a half questions that I had.

You see I am a little paranoid as hell right now about everything. She has answered the majority of the questions I asked probably 5 times already between last pregnancy and again when I first started ttc again, but I needed to hear it one more time. Let's see, I was already pretty sure I had listeria-yes I am that paranoid. Dr. had to inform on just how low the risk is and that she has never seen anyone at her office get it. I had to once again double check on the safety of my face creams, make sure I am taking all of the proper vitamins, and how long I needed to stay on the prometrium for-which is until at least week 12. I also asked about getting the flu shot. I didn't get it with Liam because normally I never get sick and when I did get the shot 2 years in a row, both times right after I got sick. She said she always get sick when she gets it also but says she would still highly recommend me getting it because if I get the flu then I can't get on any of the meds to help me get better since I'm pregnant. I guess I'll get it then. I also asked about exercise policies again. I was very active with Liam. I jogged, cross country skied, hiked, and lifted weights. I haven't been too active this year but want to stay as active as I can. I know its still early in my pregnancy but the idea of a uterine rupture still scares the shit out of me, not to mention I am also a huge klutz which always worries me. I even once again brought up MTHFR to my dr. because it has been brought to my attention a few times in the past and it was once again brought to my attention by the fetal surgery babyloss mom I recently got in contact with. My Ob doesn't know to much about that but is going to ask one of the perinatologists about it and get back to me.

So I didn't get to hear the heartbeat but was happy to get all my questions answered. I know she knows that I am being super paranoid about everything, I know I am also, but she is really sweet and says she understands my reasoning for asking since I have gone through so much. The next appt. would normally be in 4 weeks but since the heartbeat was not there yet, and I need to hear that heartbeat, I am going back in 2 weeks. And you know for as nervous as I am, I actually feel pretty optimistic. I never thought I could feel that way at all this pregnancy and hear I am.

I had planned on writing all about that appt. as soon as I had gotten home from it. Once I got home though I was so exhausted that I laid around doing nothing all day and then finally gave in and went to bed early. In the past week since I had last wrote about this pregnancy I hadn't been feeling as tired as I did right at the beginning. It kind of worried me. Up until this appt tiredness was all I really had for symptoms and I feel like I needed something to let me know that I was still pregnant. It's not that I want to be nauseated or throwing up, but those are pretty good indicators that your still pregnant.

I also just want to add that:

I hope I don't offend anyone by writing about this pregnancy on my blog. This is part of my story and I want to keep it all together. I will continue to write about Liam also because he is my baby boy and I love and miss him dearly, but I would also like to write about his baby brother/sister, my rainbow, here also. I know I went through phases on and off this past year with reading blogs of babyloss moms that were pregnant again. Many times reading them gave me hope for the future that I would be pregnant again and finally get to bring a baby home. Other times I couldn't look at them at all because I was sad that I wasn't pregnant yet and wanted to be. That being said I also knew that they had once felt the same things that I was feeling, it's just hard.

I have told a select few family members and some of my closest friends about this pregnancy. I also know some other friends and family have read about it on my blog because they have sent me messages pertaining to it. I would appreciate it if anyone reads this they would please not share anything on Facebook or share the news with everyone they see.

I also just want to say how happy I am to see a few other babyloss mommas that got pregnant this month with me. I know of about 7 now. They all deserve this so much and I am so excited to have others to share this crazy, scary next step of the journey with.