Last night I had my Basic Life Support re-certification class. I first took this class when I went to school for Radiography because I needed it for my internships. I have gotten recertified every 2 years ever since. My job does not require me to have it but I feel like it is very valuable to know.
So where I was going with this is that my main concern for this class was to keep my cert. up, know what to do in case I am ever faced with a person who is choking or having cardiac arrest, and also to make sure I can save my families lives because I'll be damned if my child dies because I had no idea what to do. I have never actually had to give someone CPR or the Heimlich before and I hope I never have to, especially if it is on a baby, especially my own baby.
Now when I went into class last night all I kept thinking about was how the hell I was going to give rescue breaths to my mannequin when half my mouth doesn't work. Yes, I am going to mention my Bells' Palsy again because it is really getting in the way. I had to explain to my instructor about how I can't do the breaths properly because I have Bell's Palsy, and that is why you can't see the mannequins chest rise, not because I don't know what the hell I am doing. Ridiculous I tell you.
So that was my concern going into class. That was until we got to the point in the class where the instructor brought out the baby mannequins. Now I didn't cry or get super emotional, after all they are just mannequins, but as the instructor talked about performing CPR on babies and then us actually practicing on our babies all I could think about was Liam, that this is what Liam went through. Well sort of, he of course was in a hospital, with surgeons all around, getting intubated and using whatever else it took to try and get his heart started.
Also, today in the mail I finally heard back from my insurance company about my 2nd appeal letter for my flex spending account. I wrote back in June about how they denied my first appeal letter stating the same thing as they did when they originally denied the claim back in April. Both times they have said that I have 90 days from the start of a new year to get my paperwork submitted on time, and I missed it, and so it is denied. GRRR! I understand that but I have a really good reason that I missed the deadline! It is like they didn't even read my 2nd appeal letter because the denial letter was exactly the same as the last one, stating the exact same thing. GRRRR! I poured my heart and soul into that letter hoping for some sympathy, letting them know that my child died, and they didn't seem to care. It almost makes me more mad though that they even gave me the option to appeal it, because that got my hopes up thinking that there was a chance, when really there wasn't. Damn it!
I am so happy I have grief group tonight, I really need it!
The class sounds like an important class for really anyone to take...just to have that knowledge...
ReplyDeleteThat really sucks about the denial. Is there nobody that you can call and actually talk to? It seems like if you could just talk to someone and tell them your story that they would understand and find SOMEWAY to help you out. Ugh. Insurance stuff is so frustrating :(
Hi, Becky. I want to thank you for your sweet responses on my blog. And here I have been such a slacker commenter on yours. :(
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you took the class but I can only imagine what triggers must have been touched upon when you saw the baby mannequins. After you lose a child, nothing seems to be simple anymore.
I do hope you recover from the Bell's palsy soon & that was so sweet of your employer to be concerned about you. Your family's treatment of you after Liam's death - I've been in your same shoes. Strangers seem to treat me better! My MIL was the worst - I hate to talk about the dead, but the hurts she thrust upon me still ache. My mom hurt some also, but she came around later. And she had lost a child, too! But they were from a different generation. You are so fortunate to have connected with these women who know what you have gone through. Hope you get some rest this weekend and get to feeling better. xoxo
Am sorry about the insurance claim. I really wish there was something you could do about it.
ReplyDeleteOn my baby son's death certificate, it says he was given CPR. Am guessing that it might have been during the last minutes when his heart gave up altogether due to the PDA. Whenever, I come across the words CPR, my son comes to my mind immediately. It's very painful. I can say I know what you are going through and this your work, so I know it must be so harder.
Much love to you.
I know how hard it all is. I learned it all first hand as I was right along the docs and nurses every step of the way (they let me be very involved and even stay for most of his surgeries) unofficailly and unfortunatly I know CPR, how to run a blood dyalisis machine, how to change extreme dressings, how to unclot lines, raise blood pressure etc etc . Their is nothing worse than learning these things when they are being done to your child. Weirdly like you I dont know if I could do it again, the baby manaquin would traumatize me, it takes alot of courage and I know everybody says the whole -your being so strong blah blah stuff when we feel we are not but really you are.If that makes any sense lol As for the insurance, I really know how that is too and how much it hurts when bill companies dont care that your child passed. There should be laws that all parents of loss should at least get a 1 yr reprieve on everything including medical. I hope everything works out for you, well wishes.xoxo
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about the insurance issues. It's so unfair that these little things compound our grief. I hope your bells palsey gets better soon. Thinking of you.
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