The other day we had an AFLAC representative come into our work to talk to us about our plans and see if we want to make any changes. This was someone new as the girl we had worked with moved to Florida last year. When I had the fetal surgery with Liam and he passed away I had lots of paperwork to fill out for AFLAC, so I had to call her and tell her my sad story so I could figure out how to go about filling out all of the paperwork. This new guy, he knows nothing at all about me or Liam.
So I go in and sit down by him and he goes over my policies with me and asks me first about my hospitalization plan. I had taken this out the other year because I was planning on being pregnant and thought it would come in handy. Who knew I would need it to cover me for being in the hospital for the fetal surgery, not the intended use, but glad I had it. Anyway, so I tell him I still want the plan and he asks me if its for pregnancy purposes. I tell him yes and then he ask," do you have kids, want to have more kids, how many kids do you have?" Ugh, totally caught off guard and for the very first time ever without even thinking about it I say no. I felt so bad for Liam saying that after I was done talking to him. Not that I need to fill everyone in on his story, but just for the fact I didn't even pause, just sad no as fast as I could.
I didn't end up changing anything on my plan. I considered dropping my disability because I don't plan on returning to work after my next baby is born, but figured I better hold on to it just in case I get put on bed rest. I had gotten the disability mainly for maternity leave. I did end up using my disability for that reason also, just didn't have the baby to go with it.
Yep, gave the whole "no" answer the other day as well. Felt terrible after as well. But sometimes it's easier to have less people involved in our equation, especially when they aren't the type of people who need to know our personal lives...
ReplyDeleteAbout disability: When I was teaching full time, all the veteran teachers would remind us to keep our disability amped up because "you never know" if you'd get pregnant or not. Hah. And I think back on those days and laugh a bit. Things don't always go as planned. NO JOKE.
We don't have to spill our guts to everyone, the people who mean something to you know about Liam and I promise there will always be another chance to tell someone else about Liam if you feel like it :)
ReplyDeleteI also said "no" to the kids question and felt bad. But I also don't think everyone should know all of my personal business. I usually tell people on a "need to know basis" like doctors.
ReplyDeleteI have done the same thing several times and I always find myself feeling terribly guilty. But realistically all that matters is what we feel in our hearts and what the people close to us know.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, as your pregnancy progresses that question is going to get thrown at you left and right from every direction imaginable and I still find myself tongue tied and not real sure what I should or shouldn't say because I do have living children and everyone always wants to know how many, names, ages, etc. It gets to be exhausting!!!
The whole "do you have any kids?" question is so awkward for me. Depending on the person/situation, I normally just say no because I'm not ready to hear any stupid responses. It still makes me feel guilty for not acknowledging my boys, but it's just easier in some situations...
ReplyDeleteBeing pregnant makes it even more difficult because you'll hear the question "Is this your first?" SO many times.
So far I've only been in this situation once. My first trip to the grocery store after returning from Nashville, and I happen to end up in the line with the same cashier who'd seen me 10 days earlier and knew I was having fetal surgery. She asked how the surgery went, and I told her it went well. I said it because I was caught off guard and hadn't rehearsed what I'd tell people. I felt like my answer meant I was glad Eva died.
ReplyDeleteOn my next trip to the grocery store, I found the line with the same cashier and confessed I had lied about it, and that I'd lost Eva. She gave me a hug and said she understood why I answered the way I did.
I'm not sure how I'll answer the children question in my near future. Perhaps that I have an angel baby? Who knows. It just depends on how strong I'm feeling that day.
I wish I didn't have to correct people when they say that I only have 1 son. When someone asks me how many kids I have, I have an internal struggle on if I should say 1 or 2.. I do not want them to feel sad or feel sorry for me when I have to explain what happened, but I also always feel SO BAD if I don't include Parker in the count!
ReplyDeleteI find it so hard in these situations too.... you certainly shouldn't feel bad. Liam is always in your heart xoxo
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