We have been back in Alaska for 3 days now and each day the sun has been shining. Summer seems to be here and everything seems so full of life. It helps me to remember why I fell in love with this place. I think about my babies and how badly I wanted them to be here with me and hoped that they would fall in love with its beauty as I have.
When we left the grass was still yellow, the trees had barely started budding, and the ground was still muddy in areas from what was left of winter. Now it's just so perfect outside. Perfect for stroller walks. I want to go outside and enjoy the weather. It's messed up that something as little as a walk in the sunshine can be so damn depressing.
I am trying to stay as busy as possible. I just want time to pass. just like last year. I had wanted so badly for 6 months to pass so we could start ttc again. This year I not only want the next 6 months to pass I more less want the entire next year to pass as well. I want the gestational carrier stuff to be ready, the eggs retrieved, embryos transferred, the carrier pregnant on the first try, and the 9 month pregnancy wait complete. I just want to hear my baby(s) cry and be to the point that I can hear the doctors say we can take our baby(s) home, and actually do it. I hate all this in between stuff. There is hope in this for sure, but it is still so far away. It looks like even if everything goes as planned the earliest we could have a baby is September/October 2013.
That is such a long wait! So if we could just skip this summer, next winter, and the majority of the following summer, that would be great.
I have started to write about 20 different posts, so much to say, but I just can't seem to finish them. It's easier just to stay moving and try to keep my mind busy. Unfortunately blogging seems to be involving more effort than I want to give right now.
After not looking at Facebook for the past week, I broke down this morning and had to look at it. My friend, the one who more less had the same due date as me, should have had her baby by now. I knew I would cry when I read the news and saw a picture of her baby, but I just had to know. She finally had her baby boy the other night, about 2 weeks late, but he is here and alive, and that makes me cry.