Friday, March 18, 2011

Do I Really Have to Wait....

My Perinatologist that I have been waiting to hear back from called me yesterday. I have had so many questions to ask, and when he called last time to discuss the autopsy, I was at work and couldn't talk long.

I have been struggling, pretty much since the point I was in the hospital recovering from the fetal surgery/c-section with the idea of wanting to get pregnant again almost immediately. I know emotionally I am not healed but really know I will never be completely healed from losing Liam, just hopefully be a little more at peace in the months to come. Mentally still drained but physically my body is feeling pretty good except for the occasional abdominal pain-think thats just my body telling me I'm over doing it and just wish this numb squishy area above my incision would go away.  In another 2 weeks I will be coming up to the 3 month mark, 3 months of life without Liam and also 3 months of my body healing from surgery. My doctor said that if I absolutely wanted/needed to get pregnant that 3 months would be the earliest but would prefer 6 months because then I would be way more emotionally and physically healed to take on a new pregnancy. Six months he said is the point when he can almost guarantee that there would be no chance of a uteral rupture which is one of my biggest fears right now. Another 3 months sounds so far away and if I get lucky and get pregnant right away that babies due date would literally be right around Liam's original due date, not that we would have ever made it there anyway. I guess really anytime in the next 3 months will be hard because if I did get pregnant in the next month then that baby would be due right around the time of Liam's one year angelversary, and I'm not sure how I'll handle that, let alone try to have a baby all around the same time. Hmmm.....

My Dr. and I discussed this for awhile and then he told me all about other moms who have had the fetal surgery and that many of them went onto have healthy children with no problems. The difference is that none of them lost there child in the fetal surgery like me. I feel that the only way for me to truly heal is to have a baby in my arms but I know the right thing is to let my body completely heal first. So to wait the 6 months and hope we don't have infertility issues again, or maybe just another month or so and try at the 4 or 5 month mark? Hmmmm...........

We then discussed a lot of other things relating to Liam's death and the autopsy and my feelings on making the right decision. I know that if we didn't have the surgery and if Liam would have still died at a later date I would've regretted not having the surgery. I will always wonder. We also talked more on the fetal surgery/c-section location on my uterus and about why it is so important for me to never go into labor with any future pregnancies. He says I shouldn't be so concerned, although he understands I have good reason, and says he has no reason to believe that my next pregnancy will not go good and I'll be blessed with a perfectly happy healthy baby. I guess all I can do is just have hope that he is right on that, but do I really have to wait another 3 months? hmmm......


  1. I wish that I had waited longer between my kids (they are 30 months apart). How does this apply to you? Well, your body does take it's own sweet time recovering from pregnancy...and I feel like if I would have waited a little while longer for Nolan and gotten back down to a healthier weight, it would have been ALOT easier. Not to mention what you must be going through emotionally...ultimately, though, you should just do what feels natural for you :)

  2. well in my situation and experience is that when you are ready to have a baby and then they die you not only lose them, you also lose all your hopes and dreams you had with them right along with it, and want nothing more than to have a child because you feel so lost and empty. There is nothing worse to go to the hospital pregnant and then to leave no longer pregnant and without your child. I know you say do what feels natural but if that were the case I'd choose to be pregnant already.

  3. Becky, I'll be completely honest with a BLM who had a c-section, I was told to wait a minimum of 8 months. Well, we're starting at 6 months. I know the risks...I know the possible outcomes, but I don't care. The six months was torture, but everything I read said that 6 months is a safe mark. So we're going for it. I personally think 6 months is the minimum, considering you will be watched like a hawk during the next pregnancy anyway. I know I will be, according to my peri.

  4. Thanks for the input Mary, 6 months totally sounds like torture and agree I will be watched a lot closer and the Dr.'s will probably understand my urgency to get checked out more often as I even feel needed. 6 months is soooo long! But good luck to you guys

  5. That numb spot may be there longer than you think! I had surgery to remove a fibroid (essentially the same incission/procedure as a section) about 8 months before we went for invitro with Jenna.. I was still numb around the inscision, the plus side of it was, I was numb when injecting myself with needles! Sometime after it went away, and after my section with Jenna, there was no numbness.. funny.
    Hoping the next few months fly by, and you have your healthy rainbow baby soon!

  6. Waiting is truly torture but worth it if it gives you the best chance of a healthy child and less risk to you... but every day can feel like an eternity. I feel your pain... thinking of you always xoxo

  7. We had a c-section and were told to wait 9 months. So 6 sounds like not very long to me. I understand wanting to try again right away. But if you try too soon and something goes wrong medically will you be able to handle it? I know I wouldn't.

  8. Thanks for the feedback everyone but I find strange how everyone I talk to has been told a different time frame for getting pregnant again

  9. Just to give you another frame of reference... I was told I was good to start trying at 6 weeks postpartum and I too had a c-section.

    I agree with the other girls, the longer the better. But I know in my heart that if my OBGYN told me 6 months, I would have thought to myself, well 4 is close enough to 6... And 3 is close to 4... See where I'm going with this?

    I'll be under close guard, will never get past 38 weeks, and I'll have a ton of ultrasounds. Could it all go terribly wrong? Absolutely. But I know (that for me), I can't wait.

    I think, in the end, you need to do what you need to do. And make decisions you can live with. The time frames seem to range from 6 weeks to 18 months... Where they get this timeline I'll never know...

  10. I understand the not wanting to wait to try again. I was actually told that I should wait a full year before trying again. My OBGYN told me that he saw no reason for me to wait, but the hospital and doctor that delivered our daughter told us it would be best to wait. I am so conflicted about waiting or not waiting. We have decided to put it in God's hands and if it is His will that we have another baby then it will happen in His time.
    I agree with Laura Jane, do what feels right for you.


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