I feel like I just need to apologize to everyone and to Liam for my posts this past week. I maybe need to apologize to myself more and learn that I need to take it easier on myself these days. I have been complaining so much lately about everything it seems, and does complaining really get anyone anywhere? The bills aren't going away and Liam isn't coming back, so all this is going to amount to is me being more upset about things I have no control over. So easy to say but not as easy to convince myself of.
I don't want to be this angry mad at the world person I am letting myself become. I want Liam to be able to look down at me and be proud of me, and see that I am strong. I just need to get it through my head that I didn't cause this and there was nothing I could do to prevent this. I can't believe its been two months and I still can't 100% say that January 3rd was just his day to die, that surgery had nothing to do with it, and if anything if that was the day his heart was going stop what better place could we have been at.
So from this point on I am going to try and find something to be positive about each day. I somehow keep forgetting that there is still so much in my life I am grateful for- husband, dogs, house, job, great friends, but somehow I manage to let the sad/mad emotions take over every time. I will try to understand that I am going to have some days that are better than others and sometimes its okay to have a good cry in the middle of the day, and know that I don't need to beat myself up because of it.
So I am sorry