6 Weeks

Oh my sweet baby Liam here it is officially 6 weeks since you became an Angel. It is also the day when the doctors said I can start getting back to normal activity again like hiking, skiing, running around, and even lift more than 10-15 lbs. I should be happy right? But I am not happy and I don't want to do any of those things today, maybe not even for awhile, I want you to be with me, I don't care if I'd be on bed rest crazy bored or can't ever sleep and be super uncomfortable because I'd still have you and would be just under 32 weeks pregnant and not be missing you for the past 6 weeks but hoping you would make it through the last 6 weeks till your scheduled c-section. It is also Valentines Day, I love you and miss you so much baby boy
Well here I am a few hours later, still crying, still so sad. I know its only been 6 weeks, but at the same its been 6 WEEKS. 6 weeks of so much pain. How will I ever make it through all of the firsts without you. I wish Christmas didn't even have to happen next year. You were supposed to be here next Christmas. It was supposed to the best Christmas ever. Dad normally would be working but finally had off next Christmas. I was so excited that I could finally be the one sending out the Christmas card filled with baby pictures. And then what, not even 2 weeks after Christmas is the anniversary of you becoming an angel. I know I am probably thinking to far ahead and just need to take it day by day but I had plans for us baby boy. We were going to go on so many adventures together, whether it'd be me carrying you on my chest or back hiking, pulling you in the chariot behind my bike, or pushing you in the stroller, we were going to go places, me and you little buddy.