Most people tend to hate Mondays for two reasons, one being that it is the start of a new work week and two being that well, the weekends over. Well I have a new reason to hate Mondays. It probably shouldn't affect me the way it does but January 3rd was a Monday. It was the day we had fetal surgery, the day my baby was born, and the day Liam passed away. Every Monday is the start of another week my baby will not be with me and it also means another week has gone by that my baby is no longer with me. I hate Mondays! I guess until I reach that point where I just start counting the passing months Mondays will remain to be my most unfavorable day of the week, outside of having to go back to work.
In the mail today I received 2 letters. the first being from my cousin. It included pictures of her new baby girl that was just born a couple of weeks ago. Seeing those pictures broke my heart even more. I feel like a horrible cousin that I never even sent her flowers or a "congratulations" card. I just couldn't bring myself to want to do it. I just can't get over the fact that everyone else is having beautiful healthy babies. From the first few months of being pregnant I already was struggling with the fact that he was going to have problems because of his Spina Bifida, but I loved him and I did everything I could do to help him, and that's why I had the fetal surgery. But it's just not fair, I love my baby and miss him so much, and here is everyone around me having healthy perfect little babies. GRRR! I know I am rambling on but I wanted to be the one sending out the pictures.
The second envelope was pictures of Liam from the hospital. When our favorite nurse from UCSF had called a few weeks ago and told me they had pictures of Liam for us I was surprised. When had they taken another set of pictures? Were these done outside of the ones they had taken for us on a disposable camera? I assumed they would be the same as the ones we already have, but they were completely different. I am really happy to see new pictures of my Liam. It made me so happy I had to have a good cry just looking at them. These pictures are so different even though they were done on the same blanket and in the same clothes as the others. Not sure if these were done as part of the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Program or not, but they were touched up by a photography company called Our 365 newborn photography. Anyway now I have more pictures of him face on without wearing a hat so you can really his face and his curly brown hair. I also now have one where he is lightly wrapped in his surgery blanket and the blanket is pulled down below his chest, so you can see his bare chest with his arms laying across it. He just looks so peaceful. I am definitely going to have to contact the company that did these pictures and get tons of duplicates. Hopefully I will get some of them put up along with more of his other pics. I am so grateful that the hospital had this done since we originally kept declining getting pictures. This definitely helped make a gloomy Monday a lot brighter.