On a much better note, thank God there are a few other postives in my life right now keeping me somewhat sane:
I recently have talked to another fetal surgery mom through email this past week. Talking to her and the other mom a few weeks earlier have meant so much to me. For awhile there I was living in such fear of a uterine rupture and now after talking to these other fetal surgery moms about there experiences and having had another child since then has calmed my anxiety so much. If either of you moms read this on my blog I just want you both to know how much this has meant to me that you took the time to talk to me about this. I can talk to the doctors about this but that doesn't even compare to the words of someone who has actually been through it. Thank you!
I also want to just mention I made it through another night in the NICU, my first official night by myself. I just love it! I got to hold two twin boys the other night at the same time. I just stared at them for the entire two hours watching them make cute little faces as they slept. I am so happy that I have managed to keep my emotions under control while I am there and hope I continue to have the strength to keep doing this. It is one of the most rewarding things I think I have ever done. When I leave I just feel so good. Not only am I helping these babies but it is very much so healing and helping me. I really hope Liam is proud of what I am doing.