My favorite nurse from UCSF called again. Even just seeing a 415 number come up on my caller ID makes my day because I know its somebody from San Francisco calling. She was calling to talk to me about my recent request for wanting a birth certificate and not understanding why I couldn't get one. She said that the doctors went round and round on whether to call it a live birth or a still birth and knew how much it means to a mother to have a birth certificate. She said though that in the end they felt that since his heart had officially stopped when he was still in the womb that it decided to just call it a stillbirth. She said that she understands it must be hard for me to read my chart notes and be confused by the fact that some of the dictation says fetal demise and that others say neonatal death. She said that the NICU team dictated as neonate, because to them it means he was born and that is why they were working on him, but the truth is that he never really did live on his own outside of the womb and the only reason he was delivered at all is because his heart had stopped and they couldn't get it restarted while he was still in the womb. I thought there was a chance I could argue this and win, but oh well, at least I still get the Certificate of Stillbirth.
I did mention to her that I did reach out to a few of the fetal surgery MOMS study moms in hopes of getting a better idea of there feelings toward future pregnancy, since they had already had another child since then, and told her about the conversation with the one mom that actually contacted me back. I then brought up that I had been searching blogs in hopes of actually finding another fetal surgery mom that had lost there baby shortly after the fetal surgery also. She said she would do what she could to see if there was a way, without breaking a HIPAA violation, she could contact other moms who have lost there baby like mine after fetal surgery and see if they would be willing to talk to me.
We talked about a few other things and I explained to her all of the feelings that I have been having lately, especially since I am passed that 38 week stage now and approaching 3 months since Liam died and also my fear of future pregnancies which will always be on my mind till I have a baby in my arms. I just love this nurse, she is so incredibly special to me, Dereck, and Liam.