Tonight was the perfect Friday night. There were places I could have gone, a bbq and game night actually, and I love game nights. I just decided that I have been so exhausted this week that I just want to sit at home and do whatever I feel. Before I get into my Friday night though I'll just talk about the week I have had. Compared to last week this week has been a complete 180 from the last, its been a hundred times better, maybe even a thousand times better. Last week I couldn't even get into my car without crying. I was emotional from sunrise to sunset and filled with anxiety. Then the weekend comes to an end and Easter is over and all the sadness just seemed to be gone. Well not gone, but the feelings that my grief was trying to consume me has significantly diminished. Why so anxious and emotional last week and this week I probably don't even think I have the energy to cry. Still not definite-period, Easter, Dereck gone, insurance crap-all logical possibilities.
I'll get back to my Friday night now. I was really tired after work because like I said I've had no energy at all this week. I ate dinner, chicken nachos, so nutritious I know, but since I have been exhausted all week I have been eating everything; chips, pasta, risotto, potatoes, granola bars, all carbs because that's all I seem to be craving and hoping that something will give me some energy.
I got bored with tv, I barely watch it anymore, and decided to catch up on some blogs. Read a few and then decided I better work on the banner I am trying to create for Liam's burial. A banner was made for his funeral and I wanted to create one myself to have at the burial with his new pictures. If you want to see the other banner and other funeral stuff check out the page below my header. I am not finished with the new banner but here is picture of what I am working on. I wanted it to be simple but to include at least 3 pictures, his name, DOB, and a quote. Not sure if I want to put borders around the pictures or what, maybe add some other colors, not to creative and need to play around with the tools for making things like this more. But this is what I have so far
After I got done working on that I decided I wanted to bake something. I love to bake and have always wanted to try and make homemade granola bars. Couldn't find a recipe that included everything I wanted in it, so I just through a lot of stuff that I liked together and baked it in the oven. Hope it tastes good, but will wait and try one tomorrow. Doing this got me thinking about the things I wanted to do with my little one. I wanted to be one of those moms that made every meal for her kids, snacks included, and that is why Liam came to mind when making these bars. They are healthy and pretty quick to make, who needs boxed bars when you can make your own. Not that I would always have the time to be making snacks for the kids but its a nice thought, especially if we could make these things together. Of course there would be other fun things to be made also like no bake, cut out, and spritz cookies, brownies, cakes, and ice cream sundaes. I can't wait till that time comes.
Since I am talking about cooking healthy snacks and other things that I hope to one day do with my children I will also tell you about the Magic Bullet. I have had a regular blender for years and barely used it. I just thought it was a pain to use to make just one smoothie with. I had seen the Magic Bullet advertised a lot and heard good things about it, but figured I didn't need to spend the money on it because if I wanted a smoothie or something else blended I already had a blender.
Well then I got pregnant and decided I wanted to try and make all of my own baby food and had read that the Magic Bullet worked just as well as buying a baby food mill. That was reason enough for me to buy it then. I actually use the bullet all the time to make smoothies or iced coffee drinks, it is very convenient to use and easy to clean. It would have been the perfect thing to use to make food for my little one. I could puree fruits and vegetables like I do for my smoothies, and depending on what Dereck and I had for breakfast, lunch, or dinner we could puree that up also. I love that thing, but of course, for now it will continue to be used for making me some delicious smoothies, coffee drinks, and the occasional milkshake.