It is now April 3rd, exactly 3 months since I last felt you kick, when we had fetal surgery, you were delivered, and I got to hold you in my arms for the first and last time. I often wonder where we would be right now had you survived. Would I have a 3 month old or would you only be a few weeks old? I have been hurting a lot lately, especially this past month knowing that you should be here and I would no longer be pregnant. The doctors tell me to wait 6 months to try again, but I want a baby in my arms so bad-I want it to be you Liam. I haven't had any baby "realization" dreams in almost a month and half till just a few nights ago when they started again. I don't know why now they decided to come back, what do they mean? They just make me miss you more, since they remind me of what I have lost and are making mornings hard again. The other week I placed some of your pictures in frames across the mantel at home and look at them daily. I just can't get over how beautiful and perfect you were at just under 26 weeks. Dad and I have also finally decided on a day for your burial to be. I don't know how I am going to handle it. I hope it turns out as lovely as your funeral was, although this will be very small with mainly just dad and I, some close family, and the Priest to say a few prayers. I am still having a hard time with knowing I will not be able to see your grave very often. Sometimes I wish we would have had you cremated and other times wish we would have you buried here instead near us, but I know you will be in a good spot next to family. Maybe family can visit you for me. I just miss you so very much Liam. I hope and pray you have made great friends in heaven and that you are well taken care. I am actually tearing up just thinking about that, I just want you to be happy and to know you will always be loved.
Mommy loves you Liam
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| The frame in the center has a card in it that we received at the funeral. It says, |
| "There are in the end three things that last Faith, Hope, and Love, and the greatest of these is love." |
For us the pain will never go away...we will be grieving the loss of our children for the rest of our lives. Therefore, we decided to go ahead in trying for another. I hope that you will find a little peace and rest in the future. *Thinking about you*
ReplyDeleteBecky-- I'm so sorry you've had to go 3 months without Liam. I understand the feeling of "I just want a baby, any baby" but deep down you JUST want Liam. I feel that way too.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. 3 months seems like both an incredible amount of time, and no time at all.
ReplyDelete:(
Thinking about you today. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteLove the mantle. It's beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI sent you an email, did you ever get it?
Thinking about you and Liam today, and sending huge hugs your way!
ReplyDeleteYour mantel looks beautiful by the way!
B's Mom- as far as I know I never did receive an email from, do you think you can send another? maybe it got in my junk mail
ReplyDeleteTomorrow is 4 months for me. My husband is out of town. FML. :(
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you today... thinking of you and Liam xoxo
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and Liam and sending hugs across the distance to you. xx
ReplyDeleteBecky-
ReplyDeleteI still wish I could just reach through the computer and hug you. I have been trying to keep up on your blogs here as we don't get to talk much on F.B.
One thought though, since Liam wont be buried by you and Dereck, have you guys thought about putting a memorial in the back yard? anything from a stone with his name carved into it, to something bigger? just a thought.
and again, if there is ANYTHING we can do for you please let us know!
Thanks Betsy. I do plan on growing a garden for Liam and hoping to get an Angel statue to put in it. Hopefully I can also get it engraved with his name and birthday.
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