It is now April 3rd, exactly 3 months since I last felt you kick, when we had fetal surgery, you were delivered, and I got to hold you in my arms for the first and last time. I often wonder where we would be right now had you survived. Would I have a 3 month old or would you only be a few weeks old? I have been hurting a lot lately, especially this past month knowing that you should be here and I would no longer be pregnant. The doctors tell me to wait 6 months to try again, but I want a baby in my arms so bad-I want it to be you Liam. I haven't had any baby "realization" dreams in almost a month and half till just a few nights ago when they started again. I don't know why now they decided to come back, what do they mean? They just make me miss you more, since they remind me of what I have lost and are making mornings hard again. The other week I placed some of your pictures in frames across the mantel at home and look at them daily. I just can't get over how beautiful and perfect you were at just under 26 weeks. Dad and I have also finally decided on a day for your burial to be. I don't know how I am going to handle it. I hope it turns out as lovely as your funeral was, although this will be very small with mainly just dad and I, some close family, and the Priest to say a few prayers. I am still having a hard time with knowing I will not be able to see your grave very often. Sometimes I wish we would have had you cremated and other times wish we would have you buried here instead near us, but I know you will be in a good spot next to family. Maybe family can visit you for me. I just miss you so very much Liam. I hope and pray you have made great friends in heaven and that you are well taken care. I am actually tearing up just thinking about that, I just want you to be happy and to know you will always be loved.
Mommy loves you Liam
|The frame in the center has a card in it that we received at the funeral. It says,|
|"There are in the end three things that last Faith, Hope, and Love, and the greatest of these is love."|