Monday, August 17, 2015

Adoption Journey Update 7

I apologize again for not getting a post, or just a short note, letting you all know things were okay out sooner. I had wanted to wait until all the papers were signed before I made any big announcements, just in case. Then, once papers were signed I just kept saying that I'd post something tomorrow, which I obviously ended up never doing til now. Here is a short, well kind of long, look at our adoption journey after baby was born.

Baby Ruby Evelynn was born on August 3, 2015 at 1:42pm. She was 6lbs 11oz., 18.5 inches long, and had a full head of blonde hair. Our birthmom did great and I am so grateful she let me be in the delivery room. When the dr had broke her water that morning there had been meconium in it which can cause the baby distress and lead to infection and even pneumonia. Because of this there was a pediatrician and nicu staff in the delivery room to assess baby at birth. Once born they were able to suction a lot of the meconium out of her lungs right away but said she was having some breathing issues and would need to go right to the nicu. I was so panicked but I was also so glad that she was induced that day because I can't imagine how much worse it could've been had they waited til she went into labor on her own.

I headed down to the nicu shortly after Ruby was brought there to see how she was doing. The pediatrician told us that by the time they got to the nicu she was doing remarkably better, so they decided not do the xray afterall and said that she didn't even need the cpap. They still wanted to monitor her for a couple hours though and wanted to give her all her shots before they would let any of us hold her or release her from the nicu.

In the state that we adopted her from it only had a 12 hr relinquishment period, but since Ruby wasn't born until the afternoon our adoption lady wasn't going to come in the middle of the night to get signatures. So, when Tuesday morning came we were so eager for the adoption lady to come. We waited and waited and waited some more. Ruby had been in with her birthmom most of the day, except the feedings and that we had her in our room overnight, so Dereck and I had to just sit in our hospital room alone with our thoughts, and we were going crazy with fear. I thought pregnancy was scary waiting for a baby to be born alive and healthy, but let me tell you, waiting for the birthmom to sign the papers is a real mind f#÷&. Her husband, who wasn't the bio dad, and her mom were all trying to convince her to change her mind. We were certain we were never going to get to see her again. Finally, at about 3:30pm our adoption lady came in and said the papers were signed. Our birthmom even put Ruby Evelynn on the birth certificate. So, when everything's official all we would have to do is get her last name changed to ours.

We left the hospital shortly after the papers were signed and moved close to where the agency was, about an hour and a half away. We just needed a release from the agency stating that we were Ruby's power of attorney and a letter from the agency stating that the hospital can release her into our custody. We went to the adoption agency the next day, on Wednesday, and signed our section of the adoption papers. Ruby's bio dad went into the agency office on Thursday and signed his section of the paperwork. From there on out we just hung out at our hotel waiting to hear when our court date was and also when Juneau had received and signed off on ICPC. A week later, on the 12th, we finally had court. There we met with the lawyer and a judge. We were able to do this now so that we don't have to come back for the official court date for finalization on September 30th. At that time the lawyer will stand in for us and Ruby will officially be ours.

Also, on the 12th we drove back to the town Ruby was born in and met up with our birthmom and her family so they could spend a bit of time with her before we left town. It was so evident how much her and her family loved Ruby. I am so grateful that she chose us and says she made the right decision, but we feel for her. We know far too well what it is like to leave the hospital empty handed. We assured her that we will not disclude Ruby from her life. We have each others phone numbers to keep in contact and can send pics via text message. Also, part of the legal agreement is that we send her and the bio dad at least 10 pics every 6 months the first 2 years and then once a year after that. We will send her all the pics she wants, directly to her even, if that's what she'd like. I think and hope we will always have a good relationship and that Ruby will always know who her birthmom is and knows that she loves her.

We finally got the call on the afternoon of the 14th that the ICPC paperwork was approved by Juneau, which meant we could finally go home. We got plane tickets for the next night, the 15th. Exactly 3 weeks to the day we left, we were finally home.

As far as the breastfeeding goes, well, it's not going as great as it did with Max. I ran out of domperidone a few days after she was born. Since things went so well when I breastfeed Max, I just assumed I wouldn't need to be on it after she was born and started nursing. Well, I'd also say that the stress I felt during the hospital stay didn't help. By day 3 it seemed I already couldn't keep up and we had to supplement with formula. Now that we're back home it'll be easier to work at getting it back and I'll get back on the domperidone for another month or two. The good news is that she doesn't seem to have any nipple confusion and latches on great, so hopefully it won't take too much work.

She is such an amazing little baby and we love her so much. And today she is 2 weeks old. Our family will always be incomplete without our sweet babies Liam and Evelynn, but I will say that it seems a lot more balanced and incompletely complete now that we have our boy and our girl.

Thank you everyone for all your support on this long journey of ours to grow our family. Here's Ruby, isn't she fabulous?!






I also just want to say now before anyone decides they want to comment anything along the lines of "us saving her," or anything else of that nature that I hear far to often from other adoptive families. I even already had a fellow blm from one of my loss groups say that it's just so sad that her mom didn't want her. Maybe in the case of some adoptions that can be said, but in the case of ours, it is far from true. She loved her so much that she wanted to ensure she had the life she knew at this present time she couldn't give her. If anything its a very brave and noble thing to do.

21 comments:

  1. What a wonderful addition to your family. Thank you for sharing with us. She is lovely.

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  2. I'm in love! She is amazing and I could be happier for you and Derek and Max! And yes, she is Fabulous!!! Xo

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  3. Oh, and I LOVE the name you chose! Fantastic!

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  4. Ecstatic to hear the wonderful news.

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  5. I think it's wonderful that you will always be open and sharing pictures with her birth mom. It shows there is just so much love for Ruby. That picture of Ruby in the seahorse outfit... so cute.

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  6. So happy for you. Thanks for sharing your journey!

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  7. She is just lovely! congratulations, I couldn't be happier for you, and your whole family. Ruby looks a sweetheart.

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  8. Her birth mom wanted her SO MUCH.....she chose someone else to be her mom. That is how much she wanted her. So so powerful. I think it is hard for us loss moms to comprehend willingly"giving up" a baby since we didn't get that option. But birth moms are some of the most unselfish women there are, going through pregnancy is a hard hard task and to give that "prize" to someone else at the end has to be heart wrenching. I wish she had more support as I am sure it was a hard choice. I am happy you feel a bit more balanced and I know Ruby will bring you joy. I cannot imagine the agony in waiting....it was bad enough being pregnant, I agree. As the years continue, I hope you continue to find that balance between grief and joy. I walk that tightrope every day still but I have been granted a level of peace I can live with.

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    1. I agree. My mother in-law, who's almost 60 now, was adopted and has no knowledge of who her birth mom was. But she said having the mom and dad she has was the best and most loving thing her birth mom could have done for her.

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  9. She is just lovely. Love the blonde hair! Congrats!

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  10. Loved reading the update! So happy to hear everything is finalized. Ruby will never know how lucky she is to have so much love from her bio parents, from you guys, from Liam and Evelynn, and from everybody you've met through your babyloss journey. So much love to you guys and all of your four children!

    Hope your milk supply is increasing. If you can't get the domperidone for whatever reason, fenugreek really worked wonders for me. GNC carries it.

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  11. Man, adoption is such a beautiful thing and it's been such a treat getting to witness this unfold (positively!) for your family. She is so precious. I'm so so so happy for your family

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  12. I couldn't be happier for you guys! It's so amazing to see such a selfless momma (both of you!) and I can't wait to "see" Ruby grow up. Congratulations again!

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  13. I am so glad Ruby is a part of your loving family! I can only imagine how brave her birth mother must be. Big love.

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  14. She is beautiful! Congratulations!

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  15. Congratulations and those lips of hers!!! They're just so puffy and cute!!!

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  16. She's just darling! Congratulations!

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  17. She is SO beautiful and I'm SO SO happy for you all!!! It is a wonderful thing the birth Mom has done and I cannot imagine how difficult. I wish you all a lifetime of love and happiness.

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  18. Any updates? Hoping you all are well 😀

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  19. We are at the same boat. I faced the problem of infertility in a very young age. I was born without an uterus. I’ve always knew I won’t be able to give birth. When I met my husband, he told me how he wants to have a big family and have 3 kids. I was very scared to confess, I thought he’ll leave me. But he supported me and we started to look for options together. We decided to try surrogacy. Our journey has only started. We are using clinic in Ukraine which is called BioTexCom. We had our first meeting with our doctor in August. It's too early to say if we are happy with our choice or not, but I have good feeling. I have some complains though. The clinic was actually full of people during our appointment. Lines were so long I thought it would take forever to wait for our turn. There were so many pregnant women... I should say I was a little bit sad because of that. It's so hard to know that I can't carry a baby and I will never be able to do that. But of course I'm happy I can use such opportunity as surrogacy. All those people gave me hope I'll become mother soon and I will never remember about my problem again. We picked package for €39.900. Services were average. We were met and headed to the clinic. Our apt was simple, not really comfortable. Our interpreter was very busy so we couldn't ask her everything we wanted. We've got all needed info from our doctor, but still there were some questions and things we wanted to talk about... Now we are waiting when the clinic will find surrogate mother for us. I hope it will be soon... Girls told that search usually takes 2-3 months. I hope we'll also get our surrogate mother in this period of time. I wish you good luck! I hope you'll become mother soon!

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