Monday, September 26, 2011

Wishing I Could Control My Thoughts Better

On Saturday night I met up with some friends at a local bar. I chatted with a friend for awhile about my pregnancy, some of my fears, and also on why I don't want to tell everyone I know quite yet about this pregnancy. My friend then informs me about how a mutual friend is also pregnant right now and is the same number of weeks as I am. I have no good reason for why hearing that brought tears to my eyes, but it did. I know plenty of babyloss moms right now that are pregnant and I am excited for them all, but yet hearing that this girl is pregnant really got to me. All I could think was, oh great, another friend that is pregnant at the same time as me, that last time I was pregnant at the same time as another friend, friends actually, she got to bring her happy, healthy baby home and I didn't. Such a shitty thought. I can't believe that it bothered me in that way. I even had to go to the bathroom and let out a short cry. So pathetic. Of course I am happy for her and want things to turn out. I guess I am just so afraid of things going bad again and having everyone around me keep getting pregnant so easily and have everything work out, while I sit here babyless. Guess I am not as optimistic as I thought.

On a whole other topic though, Dereck and I finished the closets in the nursery. That was the one thing we never touched when we remodeled the nursery this past spring. Now it is finished with tons of shelving and spots for hanging clothes. Now I just need stuff to hang up and place on the shelves and the baby.


  1. It's so not pathetic to feel weird about others being pregnant. :) Sometimes I feel similarly because I have a fear of everything falling apart for me (again) while everyone else gets their happy ending.

  2. I can definitely understand it bothering you because you already know what it's like losing a baby while everyone else goes on with their pregnancies and brings home their babies. It doesn't seem fair. By the way, thanks for the comment on my blog. I hope I didn't offend you by talking about the baby shower thing being so soon for that other girl. It's different for everyone. I guess I'm just envious that she gets to plan one so early and so carefree. It's not really fair for me to feel that way, though.

    Anyways, I'm due February 10th. Your due date is in May, right? So just a few months after mine :) I can't wait to see you post some ultrasound pictures of your little one! I know it's hard but I hope you're able to relax and feel optimistic about this pregnancy. Praying for you guys!

  3. Oh its not pathetic at all. At my rainbow babies 1st bday party, one of my uncles made the comment that my son needs some younger friends. I burst in to tears and had to explain that my friends were pregnant at the same time we were pregnant with Parker. Thats why all of my 1 year olds friends are the same age as his brother should be.

    Im so excited for you to be pregnant again! I know you read that in my blog! That really made my week better, finding out you are prego again! Im excited to see pictures of him/her and to see some belly shots! I was addicted to belly pics when i was Preggers!

    Prayers with you, Dereck, Liam, and Liams baby brother/sister!

  4. Totaly understand how you would feel that way. Well wishes

  5. I totally understand your feelings. I have had a major reaction when I found out a friend was pregnant recently. She announced on Facebook at 4 weeks, before she had even gone to the doctor. I think it is that I envy people that have such easy pregnancies that they have no worry in the world about announcing when ever they feel like it.
    I will be praying for you, and know that you are amoung women who understand. I actually joined a forum group of moms who had lost a baby and are now expecting again. It has been so helpful to talk with women who get it.

  6. It's understandable to feel that way, or at least understandable to other babyloss moms. When I was pregnant with Evangeline, three other women at my work were also pregnant. One was due in early September, one in late September, and the other was due 2 weeks after my original December due date.

    Well, the two September babies have been born. Now that I'm back at work (today is day 2), I get to see the December due-date girl a couple times per day. It's hard knowing that Evangeline would be the same size as her baby, and to have that constant reminder.

    I hope when we get pregnant again that nobody I know gets pregnant around the same time as me.

    And please post pictures of the nursery once you guys add your finishing touches. I know I'd love to see it :)


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