Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Just The News I Needed And 16 Weeks + 4 Days

I have been incredibly anxious for so many reasons. First being that I am nervous for this month and all that it meant for me and Liam, the time leading up to the fetal surgery, and the big one year mark. Second is my anxiety for this pregnancy. I have been just so nervous to tell people I'm pregnant because I am afraid people will forget Liam and assume this baby is a replacement to him and they'll assume now I can just move on and be happy. Also I am afraid of telling people things are going good and then they go bad again. I'm scared of being visibly pregnant and having people I don't know ask me about this pregnancy, especially patients at work. I mean I have already gone through almost a year of telling people about Liam and answering the question to people that don't know me that "I do in fact have a son but that he died", but the idea of telling people that ask if this is my first that "no it is actually my second" scares the crap out of me. And of course also scared because I want this baby to be birth defect free and live.

This anxiety was seriously getting the best of me, but then I got the call of calls, exactly what I needed.

While trying to wait patiently, well not so much, for these quad screen results because I needed to know them so badly the nurse finally called me tonight. I want to jump for joy and typing this with a huge smile on my face. According to the labs my babe has a 1 in 5000 chance of having both a neural tube defect and for trisomy. 1 in 5000 people! I had to repeat that back to her just to make sure I heard her correctly. This is incredible to me, the best thing I've heard in awhile, and exactly what I needed right now to calm the skyrocketed, heart pounding anxiety that I have had. Woohoo!

So here I am, 4 months into my pregnancy and have had all great test results so far. I feel like this is a huge milestone to have not had one red flag yet! Do I dare say that I think this baby might actually be perfectly healthy, can I let the excitement in, and not be speaking too soon? Yippee!

Other than that anxiety craziness and now this fabulous news there hasn't been anything too new this past week and probably nothing new till the next Ob appt next Thursday. Maybe I'll try and get the nerve up to tell some more people about this pregnancy. So far at work, besides the other girl that's pregnant and my boss, I have only told our PA and she said she thought I was pregnant because I have seemed happier in the last couple months then I have in a long time. That was good to hear that others have noticed I have been happier, anxious, but happier.

17 comments:

  1. That is AWESOME news!!!!!! :)
    Hugs,
    Shauna Cox

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  2. I felt the same way when I was pregnant with Cooper. I would always tell people that he was my second pregnancy and tell them about Lily. Now, I tell people that Cooper is my only child living at home and tell them about Lily. Liam will never be replaced and I think it's okay conveying that in your own way and comfort level.

    Yay for all great news! Prayers that things continue to go this way! xoxo

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  3. congrats on getting some good news. hoping you get nothing but good news for the rest of your pregnancy. i understand all the reasons you have been anxious. ((hugs))

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  4. YAY!!!! Continued prayers are sent your way. Much love, dear friend.

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  5. WOOOHOOO! The question "is he/she your first" or "is he/she and only child" are tough ones to answer. I always get this knot in my stomach when i get asked that question. Greg's mom explained to me that its not lying, and its not omitting your dead son, because this is your first and only living child. you just leave out the living part. its a tough spot to be put in. and you never get used to it.
    But focus on the awesome news! YAY!

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  6. Congrats! I know this was news you desperately wanted and you deserve some good news!

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  7. Yay! That's awesome news :) I am so happy & excited for you. I hope that you are able to relax some now and enjoy this pregnancy.

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  8. That's fantastic news! I totally understand all your reservations and fears. Unfortunately for those of us who did lose our babies, that's the reality of our future pregnancies. We, at least, will always understand all of those things, even when others in your life may not...so if it helps at all, please try to remember that. Hugs!!

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  9. Great news and no surprise to me your anxiety is high over a neural tube defect possibility-- but thankfully no big concern now and that's something to celebrate.

    Just as you're scared of a NTD, I am equally scared of another cord accident. It's all we know and so terrifying. Celebrating great news with you!

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  10. I don't like statistics anymore, but 1 in 5000 is fantastic and I like it!! I'm so excited!!! I feel like there's hope for me. Eight more months before we can start trying again...four months have already passed so quickly.

    Congrats!

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  11. :) Awesome news lady!! I think the anxiety is absolutely justified, but I'm so glad your results are superb. :)

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  12. Yay for terrific news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate getting questions like that! I've always had people ask if Jenna was my only child, and I have honestly answered both ways depending on the situation, but end up feeling incredibly guilty if I say yes, and don't include Kristen! It's never easy.

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  13. Becky,
    I am so excited for you! I have suspected for quite awhile...since we went to that Comedy Improv show. But now I KNOW the good news! :) (sorry I havent visited this site in awhile) And I realize you are not wanting many to know, so I will keep quiet. Although, I suspect others have been suspecting as well. ;)
    Well, I just wanted to say congratulations! You are the best mommy to Liam and you will be the best mommy to your second child as well. And all of you are in my prayers.

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  14. Wonderful news... must be such a relief. So happy for you xoxo

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