Surprisingly, that was a comment that was left on my last post about Liam and his 4th birthday. Not sure why people feel the need to leave comments like that, and of course they do it anonymously.
Although, sometimes I fear it's family or a friend. The name of my blog says what it's about. If you don't understand or want to understand where I am coming from or are here to remember my children too, then just don't read it, or at least just don't be an ass hole and leave such a shitty remark.
I hate that I feel I have to even write about this, but I wish people would quit using this stupid phrase. It's about as hurtful as people that try to tell you that I am so strong and they don't think they could've ever have lived through what I have. The thing is that I think I have "moved on" as some want to call it, but maybe just not in the same way as they think I should have. I had an option to make, effing twice at that, to live or die. Now dying wouldn't be moving on, well not in the way I'm talking, nor is just becoming a recluse, or even ending up in the nut house. All options that would have been so much easier. I chose to want to move forward and try to find some joy in life again, and I wanted a family with living children. And I have had to fight damn hard for that. Plus, it's not like the world was going to stop moving forward.
So, yes, I have moved on and I think I have came a hell of along way from where I was 4 years ago when my world was flipped upside down, but I will never, ever stop loving and missing my son or daughter. I am not just going to push my love for them aside like they didn't matter for anyone's sake. They mattered. And if some think they weren't important, stop reading this blog. And also I feel sorry for you. I hope you never know what's it's like to love someone so much and to lose them. And if you're someone I know, then please step forward and let me know who you are so I can delete you from my life.
They just don't understand & they can't b/c they haven't had their guts ripped out. I get tired of hearing the same thing. I wonder what makes these people feel they even have the right to tell you & others how to handle. a situation they don't know squat about b/c they haven't lived through it. I agree that they should just not read your blog or mine!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry someone was so unkind. And what a cowardly way to do it, by commenting anonymously. Some people are just assholes, try not to let them get you down. You are doing the best you can in terrible circumstances, so ignore the assholes.
ReplyDeleteWhat an insensitive, thoughtless asshole. I'm so sorry, Becky. That is tasteless and inconsiderate thing to say. You have been through so much and Liam and Evelynns lives and stories cannot just be moved on from but rather woven in to your life as you move forward, loving and missing them always. And that's what you're doing. We all do the best we can.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that someone left that comment. You have every right to grieve and remember your children in any manner that works for you. There is no time limit.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to imagine the type of a-hole who would comment like that. Anyone can easily find another blog to read or go read a happy, cheery book. Why waste time putting someone down? As for what you said about "moving on" I really agree. You are continuing life, trying to grow your family and live happily as best you can after enduring two tragedies in 4 short years. It would be easy to give up, stop life, not push forward with your plans BUT that is not what you're doing. Does your blog have a way to track IP addresses to see if whoever has written these comments is 1) the same person and 2) someone near you or just a random troll?
ReplyDeleteOh, Becky, I am so sorry some troll had to go and leave a comment like that. I have experienced this, too. It's one of the reasons I rarely write anymore. They say we shouldn't care about what others say, but when they comment on our pain, at least for me, I can't let it go. And that "move on" comment clearly comes from someone who has never experienced baby loss, otherwise, they'd know we can't "move on", only "move forward". There's a big difference...one implies we leave our babies behind, and the other allows us the grace to bring them with us.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you, always.
You are moving forward being an awesome mom to all three of your children, including a beautiful thriving one year old. I'm sorry for the asshole out there. I'm sorry he or she feels the need to make hateful and hurtful comments. I'm sorry you have to defend the love you have for your children. Sending love!
ReplyDeleteThis person has not experienced loss, obviously. Nicely said.
ReplyDeleteNo one could, or should, ever be expected to let go of or forget a loved one; they live on forever in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteHorrid people out there. I'm sorry. I wish they would stop reading. I feel sorry for them that their lives have amounted to hurting other people with their words. Liam and Evelynn mean EVERYTHING and it's your blog and your life.
ReplyDeleteJerks.
((Hugs)) Some people just don't think before they talk and don't have a heart with compassion. When they haven't walked in your shoes they should keep their months shut!
ReplyDeleteUgh, I hate those comments. My first son was stillborn 4.5 years ago and after having my rainbow daughter 23 months ago, people make comments about how we're "back" and imply we've moved on. Now that I'm carrying my rainbow son for as long as I can, even with his fatal diagnosis, I'm getting all the stupid hurtful asshole comment again. I HATE when people say they don't know how I'm doing it again, or how I get out of bed, or tell me how strong I am. I did not choose this to happen either time and with a 23 month old, I have no choice but to "handle" it because she needs me to get out of bed every day to take care of her. Or maybe just because people don't see me crying in the shower and the car and everywhere else, I'm "handling" it because I kept it together while trying not to yell at them for making such a stupid comment. And don't even get me started on the wonderful comments like "god doesn't give you more than you can handle" that people like to make. Those are a whole other vent!
ReplyDeletePeople who make asshole comments saying you should or did move on will never get how we feel until something this terrible happens to them. It's the same as people who compare losing a child to losing their dog or 90 year old grandma. They just say what makes them feel better and don't stop for a second to imagine how terrible we must feel, even if we have a smile on our faces.
Of course your beautiful children mattered. Of course you miss them. I'm so sorry a troll came to your page and lashed out at you. It's rotten and so ignorant.
ReplyDeleteLove is forever. And so it is with grief. It lessens, but does not disappear. XO to you.
I'm so sorry Becky. What an asshole and of course, whomever left such a completely ignorant comment would do so cowardly and anonymously.
ReplyDeleteI'm SO very sorry that people choose to be hurtful when you have been through enough, especially as you remember your son and his 4th birthday. What I have learned is that some people will never get the pain of others. And I guess that's understandable since it really is hard to know unless you are in their shoes. What bothers me is that many people make NO attempt to understand. And at the very least, if they don't get it, they should not choose to comment on something they have ZERO understanding of. It's sad that it isn't a more compassionate, understanding world. And in terms of losing a baby, or pregnancy.......NO ONE should tell you to move on. I think people think "moving on" means forgetting or at least never mentioning/acknowledging that anything happened and that you lost a child. Perhaps that is the way that some perceive moving on but it simply doesn't work that way. And there is a misconception that if you successfully have another child, that you are "healed" and that it makes up for your loss(es). Which is ridiculous. Of coarse you will always remember your children that were lost even as you love the ones that are with you in this world. Don't allow people who don't understand to upset you. They are lucky enough to have had things much easier in life and they likely will never have an inkling as to what you have been through. Great big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteTrish
Stupid troll. You reap what you sow. Tempting fate. Karma. I hope it all comes back to haunt such an insensitive jerk. Everybody deals with loss in their own way. Everybody celebrates lives that were, no matter how long or how short, in their own way. And anybody who has experienced the loss of a child, and hasn't been committed to a mental institution, is doing a damn good job of "moving on" in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThis anonymous poster needs to "move on," and find some other place to be unhappy and miserable. What a jerk. At least have the gumption to not post anonymously! Ugh!
That's not cool. Sometimes people thrive on other's pain. Good luck with adoption! I've thought about fostering before but don't know if I could bare giving them back.
ReplyDeleteAm so sorry that there are such ARSESHATS in this world. Don't listen. You can never 'move on' you lost two beautiful little lives. What you can do is continue to live and love as best you can and you are doing a fab job. Sending love.
ReplyDeletepeople can be real jerks. i'm sorry. but i'm so proud of you for sticking up for your grief and your precious babies. they do matter. they can never and will never be forgotten.
ReplyDeleteStill so angry about this for you. People suck. You are doing the best you can and moving forward but your will never move on from your babies. They are your babies. Forever. Love to you and always remembering Liam and Evelyn with you.
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