Sunday, September 15, 2013

Then and Now

Since we are so close to the end of this long road that is pregnancy, after multiple losses, and with a carrier, I thought I'd take a stroll back to where it all began and introduce everyone to the person who is helping us make our baby dreams happen.

The beginning:

The emails

May 14, 2012
Subject: Re: Evelynn & Liam


I know I don't know you, but I felt a need to send you an email.  I read your sweet baby Evelynn's story in the Herald tonight, and found her blog.  My heart aches for your losses and I am so deeply sorry.  I worked as a clinic nurse in OB for almost 5 years at Altru and while everyone thinks OB is happiness and roses, new beginnings, many forget that so many mothers have pain, emptiness and loss in that department.  I'm sorry you have to know this kind of pain.

Reading through your blog as well, I am excited to know you are considering surrogacy for your next pregnancy, and that you have already met with somebody!  There was just this inner voice inside telling me to email you, to let you know that it was laid on my heart to tell you I would consider being a surrogate for you also.  I know this sounds completely crazy and is straight out of left field, not to mention it sounds like you already have a plan in motion.  But I have for many years known that surrogacy was in God's plan for me - I just don't yet know how.  :-)  I would forever regret not contacting you, to at least tell you that this was something I felt reading your story.  In fact my heart kind of skipped a beat while reading!  I had looked into surrogacy websites a few years ago, but I didn't like the "selling" of yourself to couples, as well as charging a "fee."  I don't plan on making this a repeated thing or a money-making adventure - I just know at some point I am going to be able to offer this to a couple. 

I am sure I am coming off 100% crazy and maybe even a little creepy, (I'm kind of creeping myself out ... I have never done anything like this before!) but please know my intentions are good.  :-)  I am a married mother of 2 boys, Oliver and Liam.  Liam was our baby following a miscarriage.  While my loss is completely different than yours and I don't dare compare the two, my heart was broken with that loss.  I will forever love that baby and look forward to holding it in my arms one day!

I know you have a lot on your plate right now and I do not mean to add to that.  I just needed to email you - your pain does not go unnoticed and you are being prayed for.

Most sincerely,
May 14, 2012

Hello Jessica, 

Can I just ask how you found my blog? 

Yes, we are looking into surrogacy now. That is definitely our preferred option if it works out. That is sweet of you to say you would consider wanting to be our surrogate. Can I ask how much you know about surrogacy. We are finding out more and more about it and we weren't even aware just how much the surrogate has to go through. We have met with a surrogate in alaska, thats where we live, but according to the lawyer we have been speaking to she is not a preferred candidate. In alaska I would have to adopt my kids from the surrogate where as in MN or ND they would be mine from the start. Also can I ask your age?

Anyways, we definitely have a lot going on with my daughters burial these next couple days but if you are serious about this my husband and I would love to meet you and chat about it.  

May 15, 2012
Hi Becky,

Sorry I didn't mention how I found your blog -- after reading Evelynn's story on the Herald's website I Google'd her name and one of the websites listed was your blog.  I very much appreciated your writings and honesty with everything. 

What I know about surrogacy is mostly from the medical side, (and with my previous job I have a decent idea of what all goes on), but as for the legal side I know nothing!  When I worked at Altru, I worked as an LPN directly for Dr. Lachance, an OB/GYN, and she has since moved out of state, and that's when I switched to the nursing home for work.  I answered phones for her (answering patient questions) as well assisted with procedures.  She was considered a 'high risk' OB, and we worked with many IVF patients, as well as a few surrogates.  I do understand it is quite involved for the surrogate.  We essentially would need to first verify my uterus is in fact capable (usually with a saline sonogram or HSG, depending on which facility you choose) and then after that a lot of hormone level testing, a lot of hormone drug taking!, and then probably more testing to make sure the environment is just right.  I am comfortable with the in's and out's -- for the most part.  I'm not going to lie - thinking about all of it is overwhelming, to a point.  But as for the actual procedures themselves, I feel comfortable with all that they entail. I'm not sure what facilities you've checked into - but we had worked with Randle Corfman several times - his office is great and so is his staff.

As for me, I am 30 years old and have had 3 pregnancies - 2 vaginal deliveries.  Oliver was born at 41 weeks 1 day by induction, weighed 7 lbs 8 oz.  Liam was born at 37 weeks 5 days, and was 6 lbs 7 oz.  There were no complications out of the ordinary with either delivery.  I am also healthy with no medical conditions - the only medication I take is an oral birth control pill. 

I would very much like to meet you and your husband, and bring my husband along as well!  You have a lot going on in the next few days.  I don't know what your traveling schedule is like or what you were thinking, but we will try work with your schedule as best we can.  I'm not sure where you're at or where you're staying - but Grand Forks is about 45 minutes away and we go quite often.  Let me know what you're thinking and we can go from there!


Even just rereading all of this stirs up so many emotions. In the mist of all of our sadness this brought that little glimmer of hope back. Something for us to hold onto.

And now what I am sure you have all been waiting for, besides seeing Max alive and healthy of course, here she is.

Meet Jessica

12 weeks

17 weeks

20 weeks

25 weeks

26 weeks

27 weeks

29 weeks

34 weeks

37 Weeks


  1. This brought me to tears. I'm not much for "fate" but I do think you and Jessica going on this journey together was mean to be. She's amazing. You're amazing. And look how loved your little boy is. You can see clearly how much she is caring for him.

    This journey... Though I wish it never had to be in the first place, is just one of the MANY legacies your first two children are leaving behind. It's really a privledge to get to see. Sending you all so much hope and love these last COUPLE of weeks!!

  2. This brings tears to my eyes. May God bless all of you. PS I have a grandson named Liam. I have followed your blog since the loss of your Liam. I can't wait to see a picture of you with Max in your arms.

  3. This is so sweet! I too have randomly found your blog before baby Evelynn was born and been following you.... I am so happy for you and cant wait to "meet" Max! Congrats from SC!!!!

  4. This is lovely, Becky. How sweet are her words... and of course it's so nice to "meet" the woman who is helping bring your beautiful third baby into the world.

  5. I'm tearing up over here.

    I love her. She is darling. and I love her for what she is giving you. I am willing these next few days/weeks. So much hope for you.

  6. What an amazing and self less thing for her to do. I love being pregnant but don't think I could be a surrogate due to the risks associated. As a nurse not only is she aware but has probably seen her share of scary stuff. I wish her and little Max a safe delivery! Cannot wait to see pics!

  7. I came back into blog-land to come see how things are with your family - and was faced with this incredible post. It gives me chills, how Jessica reached out and was the right person for your family. Thinking of you all very often these days!

  8. What a beautiful person, inside and outside !

  9. Tears, seriously. I love that Jessica reached out to you. People like her restore my faith in this world. She is a beautiful person and I'm so happy you two came together, even if it was under horrible circumstances. Jessica, if you are reading this, please let me say thank you. This world needs more people like you!

  10. Thank you for sharing this. I'm so glad that you guys were able to connect, and she was able to carry for you. It's such an amazing thing. I have been thinking about you so much as it edges closer to the date. I hope everything continues to go smoothly for you guys. Lots of hugs and positive thoughts going your way.

  11. I am so choked up with happiness over this! Wow. Seeing the pictures makes it more "real" for the rest of us, or at least for me! This is amazing :D

  12. Just catching up on the last couple of weeks... I'm so excited/ anxious for you! Thanks so much for sharing your journey with Jessica. I loved looking at the pictures, it's amazing to think of how wonderful people can be! Come on baby Max! There are so many people waiting for your arrival, and I know your Mommy and Daddy are more than ready to meet you!

  13. oh lordy this post gave me chills and made me cry. the selflessness and beauty of jessica is amazing. to give so much of your life and self for a person you don't even know...there are no words. i wish more people in this world were like her. thank you jessica, for bringing such happiness to the lives of this grieving family.


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