My amazing friend Brooke just got back from a couple of weeks in the Virgin Islands and while she was there she created this with a flashlight in the sand:
Grief group was tonight, but tonight wasn't like all of the other nights I have gone to though. These past 2 weeks since the last group meeting I have felt really good. Yes there was the breakdown I had with the NICU resulting in me needing to take a break from it and also a few other things that I will write about later, but overall I've been feeling pretty good. I know it is okay for me to have good days and perfectly normal to still have really bad days, but tonight I felt a little out of place. I wanted to share all about me and Dereck being in the process of ttc and how by the next group session I may(hopefully) or may not be pregnant. I have just been so excited for this time to finally be here, but it just didn't seem right. I barely said a word and normally I am really talkative and wishing I could just speak the entire time. I want to tell them all about it, especially if I do get pregnant again.
Would it be inappropriate of me to come out with that news to a room full of people that can either no longer have kids or who have recently lost there babies and/or aren't to the point of ttc again? I guess I am afraid they will think I am rubbing it in their faces if I tell them this wonderful news of mine. After all I still get that stabbed in the heart feeling when I hear that another person I know is pregnant or just had there perfect, healthy baby.
If you were at a child loss grief group and someone announced that they were pregnant again how would you feel? I could not tell them for awhile but eventually I am going to have to. Hmm......
Your question is hard. I would be happy for you but telling a room full of people about it in person I think would be hard. I've thought about if we were preggers again. I don't think I'd tell anyone for MANY months nor would I buy anything in preparation. I just want it all different from my first pregnancy. I have to tell you also that yesterday a good friend who lives in another state had called me earlier in the week. I didn't take her call the first time she called b/c I was at work. I returned her call as I was driving into work yesterday. She told me that she and her hubs are fostering a baby girl and they got her when she was one-week old. I am happy for her and told her this but after our call I was crying and had to in a matter of minutes compose myself to go into work. I hope that it all works out but then I was also thinking what she would do if for some reason the fostering doesn't work out and they can't adopt her. That would be so hard to deal with. It's all just hard. I am sorry we are both in these situations but I am hoping that you are preggers soon. Love and hugs and thinking of you both.ReplyDelete
I'm not in a grief group, but I know that if I were, I wouldn't want to hear about ttc or pregnancies. I would reserve the grief group time for strictly talking about my grief.ReplyDelete
Just my personal take. You of course will make your own decision... but I know hearing about pregnancies still burns a little for me. :(
hmmm its a hard question, I know its a hard thing to keep to yourself, I think if I were lucky enough for it to happen again I would want to shout it from the rooftops but I think I would do that on my blog or with family and not talk about it with the grief group. I agree with B that everyone is attending these sessions for grief.ReplyDelete
this is a very tough question. I know from experience that right after my boyfriend and I lost our Parker; close friends of ours revealed that they were pregnant. I felt resentment towards them for a long time. I wouldn't announce it at grief group. If someone brings up you being pregnant again, then i think it would be ok to talk about it.ReplyDelete
From experience, I waited a while to tell our group. There weren't many that were ttc or had recent losses, but I waited until the right time... which was likely when I began to show, if I remember correctly. If you have personal contact with group facilitator, you could mention it to them, and use their recommendation based on the people in the group. It really depends on the people, some will be overjoyed and see hope come out of loss!ReplyDelete
Yeh, I'm not sure I'd talk about it in person until it becomes evident. I mean, if there are some women you want to share with, then by all means, do so... Or it if somehow comes up in conversation there, you could discuss it. I'm keeping my blog all about the ttc stuff I can't say to normal people who function outside of this baby loss "bubble"- I just don't think they'd "get" it, while on my blog I feel like they do.ReplyDelete
But then again I'm sure there are some who would rather I not talk about ttc#2, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that either.
That's a tough one :/ There are some people in their grief process that can't handle being around someone pregnant or even understand someone trying to conceive again after a loss. So, maybe, I would try to get a feel at where everyone else is at in your group before announcing it or wait until you get out of the 1st trimester?ReplyDelete
I too get that stabbed feeling when I hear that normal people I know are getting pregnant and having healthy babies. But if a blm were to tell me that she is expecting I would be very happy for her.ReplyDelete
Maybe you can reveal your pregnancy news to them in a subtle way after judging how they may take it.
Does your grief group also have a group for pregnancy after a loss? Ours does that is why I am asking. I remember personally being upset at a lady in my support group who started talking about ttc. Our losses where in the same month last year and we were also ttc at the time, but there were plenty of people in the group at the time who had experienced their loss more recently. Like two weeks ago recently, and I remember feeling so angry at that woman because I could remember what two weeks ago felt like and ttc was the last thing on my mind. I know you want to share it, but maybe you can feel people in support group out. I am happy that two of the moms from my support group are also ttc and we meet separately and talk about that particular journey. Good luck with everything!ReplyDelete