Wednesday, April 20, 2011

When A Baby Dies Video & 20 Things BLM's Want You To Know

The mother in this video tells it exactly how it is to be a BLM. I have many of these same thoughts and feelings, minus the other children I still have to take care of. I will have other children one day though, and they will know how much they are loved and wanted, just like Liam is.

Here is also a list of 20 Things Angel Mommies Want You To Know:

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn’t think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you.

3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven’t forgotten him and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn’t think that I don’t want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it’s not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn’t pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

8. I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m “over it” or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no “normal” way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn’t mean I’m contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be “over and done with” in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be “over” this.

12. I wish you wouldn’t think that my baby wasnt’t really a baby and he was just blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby had a life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby’s body and face. My baby was real person – and he was alive.

13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby was born and the day I lost him are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to “”normal” you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you’ll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn’t tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace him. Babies aren’t interchangeable.

16. I wish you wouldn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it’s not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

17. I wish you wouldn’t think that you’ll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.

19. I wish you wouldn’t say that it’s natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect no matter what you think nature is saying.

20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say “next time things will be okay”. The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?

-Author Unknown


  1. All so true... the video and wish list brought a tear to my eye. Thank you for sharing it xoxo

  2. All point are very true but this one -'I wish you wouldn’t think that my baby wasnt’t really a baby and he was just blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby had a life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby’s body and face. My baby was real person – and he was alive' - I still struggle a lot with this one because nobody believes my baby was a person. Some equated it with a miscarriage (miscarriage is horrible, but mine was not miscarriage)

  3. Thanks for sharing Becky... My SIL has a friend who's cousin just had a stillborn... this friend was so judgemental about her cousin having a funeral for the baby! When I heard that I was so upset, I wish I could have sent her something like this!!! I told my SIL to let her friend know that her cousin is grieving the loss of her baby, and always will. Support is what she needs! It really irked me!

  4. Thank you for sharing this! #19 struck a chord with me. The first therapist we saw said this to us, that this was nature's way! Our THERAPIST!!! Crazy. I guess it is just hard (if not impossible) to get what we are going through unless you have been through it. This is a great open letter to help others understand.
    Thanks again,

  5. Thanks for the comments everyone. I wish everyone I know could have read these before they all opened there mouths, but they will never understand until they have walked in our shoes

  6. Thank you for sharing that video. I cried, but it was so precious and so true.

  7. Becky,
    Thanks so much for sharing both of these. I cried while watching the video.
    Hugs and thinking of you. Shelly

  8. Love your blog and thank you so much for all your kind words since I started blogging... it's been lovely to start sharing this journey with you. I've awarded you a Stylish Blogger and/or Versatile blogger Award :)) Follow the link below and join in the fun this Easter :) Love always xoxo

  9. Thanks for posting these Beck. Honestly, lists like these help so much. We know that we can't possible understand what you (all of you) are going through and it's scary to think that we might say one of these hurtful things by just not thinking it through.


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