Monday, March 14, 2011

Had Enough of 2011

My ex who was in the tragic car accident passed away yesterday. I feel so bad for his family right now, especially his mother since she was the one who had to make the tough decision to take him off of life support. I had gone to the store immediately after I heard the news to get a sympathy card for his family. While looking for the perfect card I came across this one that really touched me. It was a very simple card that said
-Long before we are ready, we sadly say goodbye. But there are those in a far more beautiful place who are saying welcome home.-
Now if I would have received that card right after Liam's death I would have been angry by what was wrote since I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that I wasn't ready to say goodbye and also that home should be with me. Many of the cards I received after Liam's death were as nice as I guess a sympathy card can be but when your angry about a loss, anything relating to he's in a better place or he's home, made me even more depressed. I am still angry but defintely more at peace with the idea that he is "home" and that he was welcomed there by many loving friends and family. I am not quite sure on what to say to Mike's mom in my sympathy card to her without upsetting her more. I've never been very good with words and afraid of writing the wrong the thing. I would like to be able to tell her about my conversation with Mike just 3 weeks ago and how it made me feel hearing him say how happy he was for me and sorry for the loss of my own son and that he is doing so well. I'd also like to think that, like Liam, Mike is also with family in a wonderful place and that I hope Liam and Mike get a chance to meet. Our relationship didn't end well but would like to think that Mike is telling Liam many wonderful stories and maybe even Mike has a few good stories about me that he can tell Liam about his momma.
I just can't believe how bad of a year 2011 has been, and its only just begun. Not sure if I'd prefer to have a time machine to go back in time, to a happier time when I was planning to bring home my little miracle, or even just fast forward a few months. I am really trying to want to be optimistic and hoping the months ahead will be better for me, friends, family, and all the other BLM's.


  1. They do get easier...maybe not better per se but they will get easier. I promise! Lots of hugs!

  2. So sorry to hear about Mike passing away... I can only imagine a fraction of what his family is going through. The decision to turn of life-support must be so hard and to have all those years of memories. You write beautifully, so I'm sure you'll find the words to write something touching to her. 2011 can only get better and looking forward to sharing it with you xoxo

  3. I'm sorry too.. I think his Mom might like to hear that he had reconnected with you, and that you guys were at peace when he died. It's so hard to know what to say, I have a bit better of an idea, after going through loss myself. But everyone's journey with grief is so different. I would struggle with the right words also.
    Hoping 2011 will get better for all of us!


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